Collection of Personal Stories: 20 Writings On How 2020 Went

Introduction

In Mid-December I had a sudden thought that popped up to create a book of collected personal stories in reflection to this 2020 year.

I was asked what the purpose of this was and what this was for but I admittedly was figuring it out along the way. Now that it’s been a couple of weeks and many responses in I realize I was doing it for connection—to have a collection of responses that would serve as chicken soup for the soul and give a voice and language to feelings experienced unique to this year, to provide comfort in knowing that we are not alone in our feelings during a socially isolated year; to give an opportunity of reflection—to provide an outlet for the writers, and inspire others to reflect and realize that they can use this outlet too.

“Collection of Personal Stories: 20 Writings on How 2020 Went” is a homage to all those affected by the new normal—the heroes, grievers, singles and families, young and old, lonely, workers and unemployed, sick and healthy, anxiety-ridden, angered/frustrated, happy and celebratory, and all who had to adapt to the ever-changing circumstances of their lives, writing and reflecting so they might reach the people who want or need to read these words.

It’s a way to say goodbye to 2020 by wrapping it up with a collection of stories on how life has changed for each unique individual.

Thank you to all those who contributed in sharing their perspectives and ideated with me on this spur of moment project to commemorate this unforgettable year. You all made the end to this year both serendipitous and meaningful no matter how great or difficult it has been. I hope we can look back on these stories of our lives years down the road. As we recall the good and the bad, may we remember that even in social isolation we still have each other and our collective experiences to relate to and I hope we’ll look for the silver linings.

Acknowledgements:
Special thanks to my mom for encouraging me to bring this project idea to life and for always being my best support.

Thank you to the writers on making this possible and delightful.

Contents:
Ch. 1: Sarah Lee | Ch. 2: Rosko Dameron | Ch. 3: Emmanual Marfo | Ch. 5: Calvin Sun | Ch. 6: Sana Fasihuddin | Ch. 7: Alaska | Ch. 8: Eric Gan | Ch. 9: E | Ch. 10: Tina | Ch. 11: Aisha Khansia | Ch. 12: Corey Leung | Ch. 13: Gina Chen | Ch. 14: Steven Senko | Ch. 15: Karen Aguirre | Ch. 16: Pooja Kolluri | Ch. 17: Michael Bucceri | Ch. 18: Wellern Yu | Ch. 19: Lily Lee | Ch. 20: Sandy Yang

2020 Stories Continued:
Ch. 21: Daniel Hoddinott | Ch. 22: Fiona Lee | Ch. 23: Lauren

You can also access all the individual stories on this page (1) & this page (2) for 2020 stories continued.

Chapter One: Written by Sarah Lee

Name: Sarah Lee
Age: 28
Ethnicity: Korean-American
Occupation: Project Coordinator
Location: Houston, TX

At the beginning of quarantine I wasn’t very fond of the idea of working from home, away from my co-workers. I was actually surprised I felt this way. As an introvert, I thought I’d happily anticipate the time I would have to myself. After a week of easing into this new way of living/working, I adjusted pretty well. My team continued meeting on Monday mornings over Zoom, and we had “tea times ” throughout the month so I never felt disconnected. 

A struggle I’ve encountered throughout Covid-19 is having to isolate and stay back from church. I haven’t gone back to in-person services aside from a few weekly gatherings. Being part of a church community is really important and I’m slowly transitioning back to in-person meetings (I’m taking it week by week). Another struggle I’ve experienced is fearing that I’d catch the virus and have no one to take care of me. I was also afraid that I’d catch it and spread it to one of my family members. Fearing the unknowns is consuming. I had to learn what I could and couldn’t control. I can’t necessarily control if I catch the virus but I could control how I think and live. I fill my mind with God’s Word and positive/hopeful thoughts, and I make an effort to take care of my health (i.e Take vitamins, exercise, and rest). 

While 2020 hasn’t gone “according to plan”, there have been very happy, celebratory moments. I purchased a home and I adopted a 2 year old Chihuahua mix from an animal shelter. She has made me more mature and responsible, and we are learning and growing together. My dog is the sweetest companion and I’m grateful I get to spend this time with her. 2020 taught me that we can make all the plans in the world but in the end, we have zero control over certain things. It’s our responsibility to make the best of every situation, and see the good in it. There is always good.

Chapter Two: Written by Rosko Dameron

Name: Rosko Dameron
Age: 34
Occupation: Conference Service Manager
Location: Lawrenceville, NJ

“Pandemically Challenged”

Reflecting on a selfish 2020…Social media’s suction cup…Reading Rainbow…Miles: the grind & the glory…Practice???

Palm trees, white sand, warm breezes, tanned and wrinkly old faces about. January, vacationing at Fort Myers Beach, Florida is where the 2020 adventure – or, soon to be, lack there-of – began. Laying in a reclining chaise with my sweaty back sticking to the vinyl straps and staring out at the clear blue Gulf with an unread book stowed in my New Jersey Devil’s knapsack at my side in the sand. Many years have passed since I picked up a book or read anything outside of sports writing or daily news; however, I had been gifted Acid For The Children by Flea for Christmas. While catching rays and listening to the squawks of gulls I finally decided to put down the phone and give the book a gander. Immediately I was consumed and addicted.

Fast forward to BC (Before Corona) in the early stages when naturally I thought the media was doing what it does best: instill fear into the public and drive them to consume. Then the severity of the issue gained momentum. As a hotel events manager I started fielding a mass surge of emails from rightfully concerned clients about upcoming contracted events. Panic & economic worry ensued, causing quick decisions to be made to avoid cancellation fees, postponing events to later in the year because this whole ordeal certainly shouldn’t last past the spring or summer at the latest. Right? Wrong. As the weeks turned into months the hotel staff withered away with no business to justify employment. Somehow I managed to stay in the fold throughout the year with the main job function of moving contracted events further and further back signing off robotically with ‘stay safe & take care!’ But enough about work. Work sucks – pandemic or no pandemic. If you played your cards right you may have found some selfish silver lining in this dumpster fire of a year.

Social media bloomed a new generation of radical activists. The keyboard warriors. Sucked in. Battling the meme wars for justice and science and peace and everyone wants to be 100% right and if you’re on this side and not on my side than the digital line is in the sand, pal, got it? Good. Here’s a meme. The thing is I don’t have the answers to the world’s problems – I have my own problems. Why not just do what I can control – the little things. I may not attend a rally but I will always be kind and courteous to anyone I bump into. I don’t want to pick a team - I can find something to appreciate in almost anyone, even the assholes. Respectfully I declined to engage in the social media war games circa 2020. But the memes were amazing… the memes were in fact so amazing that they were starting to take over. Hours spent scrolling mindlessly through picture after stupid picture searing imprints of words and images into my skull. Sucking me into long periods of useless time. Luckily my rediscovered infatuation with reading started to win the take-over. Gradually I was spending less time on the ‘gram and more time in the books.

Fiction, non-fiction, biography, essay collections, poetry, manga, classics – I will read pretty much anything. 56 books polished off this year and counting. So far everything by Benjamin Myers has been fantastic. The brutality and descriptive prose in his novels just pull me right in. Also a big fan of his lack of punctuation in some titles because sometimes I don’t see the point of a comma too. Some books are a total drag to get through but I started to keep a few books to read at a time. I cycle through them like changing channels on the TV set. Getting bored with the biography of John D. Rockefeller Sr.? Then I switch it up and open up the art collections of John Kirchner. Change it up and keep it fresh. No sense in bearing through a boring book straight through (although I really enjoyed that John D biography).

As much as I enjoyed lying in my bed, reading, doing my part as a decent American citizen by staying indoors and stopping the curve (!) I needed a little more. Unfortunately mountain biking season was still a bit away because of muddy trail conditions so I started to get active in another way – a way that I loathe with a passion – running. I loved the fact that I could just toss on some kicks and get a quick run in! Outdoors, fresh air, brand new running shoes to pavement is just what I needed. Wrong. Running is awful and if you ever hear someone say they get a ‘runner’s high’ they are full of pig shit. David Goggins must just hate being at home. I slowly and I mean slowly built myself up to about 3.5 miles a day a few times a week. Each and every time was absolute misery. Heavy breathing, shins and calves on fire, muttering incoherent curses through panting breaths, ready to stop and lay on the paved path for vultures to come to pick my aching bones clean. The only satisfaction I found in running was when it was over. There is a triumphant sense of accomplishment after enduring a few miles of the worst kind of suck; a nice reminder that no matter what happens your day can’t get any worse than the 30 minutes or so of running.

Reading, running, memes, and remote work was keeping me occupied through early spring BC when another old interest reared its dusty neck. My white Fender Stratocaster had been sitting for years in my room basically as decoration and suddenly was urging my fingers to touch it. So I took her for a spin. And it did not go well. The strings were corroded and needed replacements which was addressed; but, the real issue was I never really gave playing a real shot since I’ve owned it (a stellar Christmas present when I was about 11). The thing about guitar is apparently you need to practice A LOT to make that confounded instrument produce the magnificent sounds of the music gods and I never gave it the time. So I picked her up again and again. Built up some callouses. Made the time. A few books later, some quality hours of practice, and the great Marty Music have got me to a point where I still can’t play but I can at least fool an untrained ear.

As the greens flourished and the rains abated my true love began her annual calling. Few things will I find in this world that bring me joy like the sounds of rubber tires crunching over dried leaves and broken sticks; kicking up dirt and debris in my wake. Tunnel vision as I zip down a single track trail with blurred trees in my peripheral, root and rock compromising my suspension, holding on and avoiding the constant threat of a crash. Huffing and puffing uphill while my quads and lungs tell me ‘enough’ but once at the summit I am always compelled to go down it straightaway and as fast as I possibly can. I have mountain biked for years and have to thank the pandemic for allowing me to log more miles than ever this year. Socially distancing myself mile after mile in the woods – the ‘green cathedral’ as Ben Myers has perfectly put it. The spring-summer-fall blurred together with bright greens, thick humid air, dry red dirt; changing into brown dead leaves, cool biting air, red runny noses, all the while pedaling and keeping cadence.

In a flutter of a wasp’s wings this yellow jacket of a year went by. I will need to look into a new bigger bookshelf, a fresh pair of running shoes, and some major maintenance on my bikes. Maybe next year I’ll be able to make Eddie Van Halen smile down from rock heaven. With a small arsenal of hobbies I navigated through 2020 without much issue. Awoke old passions and interests - breathed new life into them. Put down a couple godforsaken miles on the feet – ripped up a lot more epic miles on the wheels. Tuned out the world and worked on bettering me. Little by little. Call me selfish. At least I’m not staring at my phone 24/7.

 —Eldridge Park 12/17/20

Chapter Three: Written by Emmanual Marfo

Name: Emmanuel Marfo
Age: 27
Ethnicity: Black/African American 
Occupation: Med Student
Location: Norfolk, Virginia 

Where do I start? 2020 has been a heck of year, it started off like any new year, where I would set goals that I would want to obtain to better myself, but little did I know that the whole world was in for a shock. I started the year with goals to get into medical school and to get healthier. I had applied to medical school the year before and I was waiting for some good news. The end of 2019 didn’t bring any good news, so I was hopeful for a new year and a new start! After months of waiting, I was accepted into multiple medical schools and made my choice to go to school at EVMS in Norfolk, Virginia. But in the midst of all of these good things happening to me, I could really celebrate because more important things were occurring in the world. Covid-19 put a huge damper on the world, it made millions of people unemployed, and killed millions of people around the world. Even with these statistics I am very happy to say that my parents, my sister, my grandpa and my extended family are all well and have not tested positive or had symptoms for Covid-19. 

Although Covid-19, put a damper on a lot of my traveling plans it was also a blessing. I was forced to stay a lot of time at home and I was able to get a better connection with my family and loved ones. I was able to get connected with family that I hadn’t spoken to in a while because of our busy lives. Covid-19 helped me slow down and appreciate the people in my life. In addition, I used some of the time to better some of my hobbies. One of the hobbies that I enjoy practicing is playing the piano. Since quarantine, I was able to practice the piano and learn new songs and overall get enjoyment out of playing it. It also forced me to become more innovative with my workouts, so I started running and learning different workouts. Although covid-19 is a horrible thing I was able to grow as a person and take time to reflect on all the blessings in my life! Also, I am extremely grateful for everyone that has worked with Covid-19 patients, all first responders, and the scientists that have helped come up with a vaccine. I hope that 2021 brings Covid-19 to an end so that we can all celebrate beating this virus.

Chapter Five: Written by Calvin Sun

Name: Calvin Sun
Age: 34
Ethnicity: Asian American
Occupation: Founder/CEO, The Monsoon Diaries, Clinical Assistant Professor & Attending Physician in Emergency Medicine, ER doc
Location: NYC

Stepped outside in the middle of my ER shift on Monday, April 13th to take a moment to myself when a passerby with a camera happened to be at the right place at the right time:

I needed to breathe. I needed to know if I was still alive.

A few weeks later and through several degrees of mutual friends, serendipity would have Kareem find me again and send me this photo; a moment which barely encapsulates 8 weeks of COVID-19 related care since my first case in March 8th in Brooklyn.

Since then and within 50 days I’ve worked 35 shifts (all 10-12 hours long) across numerous ERs in mostly The Bronx, Queens, and Brooklyn (and a few in Manhattan), added 3 new ERs to my roster, met so many supporters, while also losing colleagues, friends, and my grandfather to COVID-19.

As patient volumes are now decreasing and I have much fewer shifts needing to be filled, I take pause to reflect on the souls and the innocence we’ve lost. And as bury our dead, tend to the injured, and process all the emotions we had held off during the first surge, we also brace ourselves for the possible next wave.

But alas even if there would be no next wave, life is life, and there always will be “a next wave.” Whether it’s more COVID-19 patients, the patients that waited too long for care, the rising mental health toll, the livelihoods lost, the next pandemic, or the next disaster, those of us remaining will keep holding the line so we can all see to another tomorrow.

Until then, channel gratitude for the precious opportunities you still have and don’t forget to take a moment to yourselves right now. Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to live: All you got is right now. This world doesn’t wait for anyone.

Chapter Six: Written by Sana Fasihuddin

Name: Sana Fasihuddin
Age: 26
Ethnicity: Asian Indian
Occupation: Student
Location: Lawrenceville NJ

I walked into my house after almost one month and the sight of what I saw shocked me. My dad was on his bed barely moving. He saw me and immediately lit up. “How are you doing,” he asked weakly. At that moment I forgot how to breathe. My whole world started to shake and I felt like I had lost control. Gathering my breath, I quickly took his temperature and oxygen saturation. He had a fever and his saturation was 89. I had never seen him so weak in my life. My mom looked worried and stood next to me while I started crying. I called my cousin, a hospitalist, who suggested me to get him to the emergency room as quickly as possible. I informed him of just that to which he replied “No, I don’t want to be left all alone.” My mom broke down into tears. My dad was our world. Being an only child, he was my best friend since I could remember. I told him I needed him to be ok and the only way he would be is if he went to the hospital. He finally agreed and struggled to get up.

The sight of him scared me and with trembling hands I called my fiancé who immediately came to my side. He drove us to the ER where we helped my dad to the door. We weren’t allowed inside. I watched my dad from the windows as he struggled to walk to the front desk. I couldn’t hold my tears. It was perhaps the hardest thing I had to see. I waited in the car hoping to hear some updates of what was happening to him. Every hour I called the hospital and every hour I got the same response “We are doing tests, we don’t have any results”. After five hours the doctor called me back and said, “Your dad is COVID positive, we are admitting him into the hospital.” And right then my heart sank. Suddenly my childhood flashed before my eyes. My best friend was in the hospital. The person that I loved more than myself. The person that had given me my entire life. I wasn’t worried that I was now exposed to him, all I wanted was my dad to be ok. My mom and I reached home and started what seemed to be the longest week of our lives. We experienced symptoms almost immediately the next day. It was the worst possible headache, muscle aches, chills, every symptom you can name. But during this whole time, the uncertainty of my dad’s situation was what killed us the most.  

My days consisted of mostly the same things. I had to help my mom who had more severe symptoms than I, while I called the hospital every two hours on updates of my dad. School was on the backburner for me. My finals had begun and they were the last thing on my mind. My dad was my first priority. The doctor in charge of my dad consistently concluded that he was unsure of whether my dad will be able to recover. “I have seen people get better in 24 hours, but I also have seen people pass away in 24 hours,” he said. My nights were sleepless with my consistent calls to the hospital praying that my dad was not getting worse.

Exactly 7 days after my dad was admitted, we received a call from the doctor. He said my dads oxygen had improved tremendously in 24 hours. His requirement went from 6L on nasal cannula (the maximum dose) to none. I started crying in joy. “You can take your dad home.” Those were the most magical words I could have heard. I rushed to the hospital and saw my dad after what seemed like an eternity. I finally felt at peace. All I wanted was him by my side. He smiled as he saw me and praised the first responders. He said they were his heroes.  I told him that he was mine, and I was so proud of him.  

In this difficult time my friends and family were a huge support system. My friends constantly checked up on me. Some even came from Pennsylvania just to deliver me food. Every single one of my friends prayed for my dad. Those that did not believe in God texted me and said that they were praying every night that my dad would come back healthy. My fiancé who tested negative was the perfect son for my mother. He provided us with anything that we needed. He was outside my house every single day with essentials that we didn’t ask him for. He went above and beyond for us, which I can never forget in my life. My cousin cooked everyday and brought us food so cooking would be the last thing on our mind. My extended family donated money to those in need and prayed for my dad. The support system I had was beyond imaginable. We don’t realize the lives that we affect until we go through a difficult time. I am so thankful for everyone who was there for me. Those who texted me everyday and made sure I was ok. I could not have asked for anything more beautiful than the reciprocated love.

 It has been over five weeks since my family faced this unfortunate event. What have we learned from this? COVID is not a joke. We underestimated it immensely. I would watch the news and it would not seem real, but it got real, real fast. My dad has COVID pneumonia, and his diabetes has gotten worse. I still don’t have my sense of smell or taste and my mom is constantly coughing. It has been five weeks, we are all negative now but COVID is still affecting us. My dad was very responsible. He had a mask on the entire time he was outside. He did not go to any parties or gatherings, but he got COVID. He still doesn’t know how he got it but he did. Take this seriously and do your part. This affects everyone so please don’t be selfish. I hope the struggle and pain I experienced, no one has to experience in their lives.

Chapter Seven: Written by Alaska

Name: Alaska
Age: Mid 20s
Occupation: Developer

In many ways, I can count many good things that happened in 2020, having a backyard where I am able to sit, be in nature, and have safe social distancing campfires with friends. Being able to have the space to stock up on food and also have the space to experiment with gardening. Lastly, being in good health.

Amidst all of these good things, this year has been rough. As a person who even loves routine, the monotony of living has been draining. Thinking of what to eat, prepping the ingredients, cooking, washing dishes, and then repeat. Meal preps and takeouts help liven up the cycle but being at home 24/7, not being able to see friends and family as much and getting rejected from multiple last-stage 5-hour job interviews are demotivating.

When asked about 2020, I’d usually respond more about being grateful, the positives, and being hopeful. Sure, I had more time for myself and I did start off with a positive note, but in this time of writing, I just want to be real and all I want to say is that I am exhausted and I am sure everyone else is too. As much as I do not want to focus on things that are out of my control, the anti-maskers, the 1% controlling the media outlets, and the uncertainty, these are things we can’t ignore as they affect all of us. It’s the sheer realization of how powerless we are and how indespicably selfish people are to associate mask-wearing with oppression and needing their freedom from masks. There is no freedom as long as this virus keeps spreading.

I feel angry for the people who are struggling more than me. I feel angry for the healthcare workers who had risk and are risking their lives for people who don’t believe in masks. I am sad that half of the country is brainwashed with conspiracy theories so that the 1% can legally continue to make laws that only benefit them. 

Shamefully, this is the pandemic in America and it’s not that great. 

I am tired. The days have been a blur. I don’t know what day of the week it is. Oh, it’s laundry day again. 

I just miss having people over and going on my therapeutic grocery experience, but I know that these aren’t possible for now, but it’s a price to pay for safety. 

Been taking this one day at a time and trying not to think too much about the next couple of years. Looking back the past year has been a mix of emotions for me. My privilege gave me a decent life in this pandemic, but I can’t help but feel heartbroken for the rest that has to put themselves at risk to survive. 

Chapter Eight: Written by Eric Gan

Name: Eric Gan
Age: 26
Ethnicity: Chinese-American
Occupation: Software Engineer
Location: Seattle

Bio: I am a software engineer and a follower of Jesus, always looking for ways to connect my faith with my tech skills to help others.
You can find me at ericgan.com or on Instagram at @ericflips!

 Hit Reset (2020 Review)

If you could rate 2020 out of five stars, how would you rate this year? If you said one-out-of-five, most people would agree with you. We lost Kobe Bryant, Chadwick Boseman, Ravi Zacharias, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We found ourselves in a global pandemic. Riots, injustice, and unrest flooded many city streets with little resolution. Restaurants, hotels, and small businesses are struggling to survive with little relief under governmental shutdowns.

The list goes on, and everyone was affected by the pandemic in some way. My trip to visit my sick grandfather was cancelled by the pandemic, and he passed away a month later. My vibrant social life — weekly volleyball league games, dinners and late night with friends, volunteering at a food shelter — crumbled before my eyes as everything was cancelled and businesses closed. I found myself, an extrovert, staying at home under the lockdown orders, feeling lonely and bored, weighing on my mental health.

If I focus only on the negative, the list can be endless. I will always find a way to victimize myself and perpetuate my sense of despair. While I could not control the circumstances around me, I realized that I can control how I respond, that I can try my best to win a bad hand dealt to me. Thus, this year was the season where I hit the refresh button: I created a new five-year goal, started a new real estate business, and scaled up a project for a faith-based start-up.

How did I get to where I am today? In the beginning of the year, I had five different commitments: leading small-group at church, leading worship at church, leading a faith-based volunteer start-up called BasilTech, leading a team for a volleyball league, and starting an initiative at church for homeless outreach. My days were full and exhausting, yet fulfilling and meaningful; however, I felt empty and lost. I was looking through a camera that was focusing on five different objects, and all I saw was a blurry picture of where I was heading. I was going too fast and trying to do too much, and then the pandemic hit.

When COVID first hit and the lockdowns started, I was more annoyed than scared. My tempo has stalled, my many commitments vanished, and I lost motivation to do anything. Adjusting to the pandemic lockdown lifestyle was hard, and I often would wallow in my self-deprecating thoughts of loneliness. In the first three months of the pandemic, I lost my grandfather, got rejected by a woman I was pursuing, and struggled to fill my emotional and social needs. I prayed to God, what season are You putting me through? How can I thrive, not just survive, during this pandemic? Not long after I prayed this prayer did I feel God answer: Preparation. This is the season of preparation. And that’s where it clicked: time was what I gained. The pandemic bought me time to reorder my priorities and slowed down time in my life to focus on new goals. It was a reset button.

And so time was the resource I gained, and I now could invest it. Not too long after did I begin leveraging my time to look into real estate investing — talking with friends about buying new properties, reading books on remodeling houses, cramming the real estate course material to obtain a license, learning about different strategies to build wealth through real estate. It became my new quarantine hobby, eclipsing my frustrations over the quarantine lifestyle. I was gaining momentum again, complaining less about the pandemic and sharing more with others about my newfound interest.

But it didn’t stop there. The momentum continued during a late August BasilTech retreat in Portland. The BasilTech leaders from San Francisco drove up to Portland for a project with 1MillionHome, a non-profit whose mission is to reunite one million displaced orphans with their biological parents. While I didn’t participate in their design sprint, I met up with them during the weekend to bond, to hang out, and to talk about how BasilTech is doing in Seattle. It was during that retreat when I realized: BasilTech is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to use my gifts and talents to build the kingdom of God. I want to use my tech skills to assist non-profits like 1MillionHome to hit their goals. So much tech talent gets wooed by large tech corporations offering large compensation packages, which leaves the non-profit and humanitarian organizations little knowledge on tech. After sharing this vision with the BasilTech leadership team, they prayed over me and anointed me. I then drafted a five-year plan to volunteer for BasilTech full-time, which includes making enough passive income through real-estate investing to fund my own salary.

Preparation. That’s the season God placed me. 2020 was a hard year, yet I was not the only one affected by the pandemic lockdowns. I do not have control over my external circumstances, but through prayer to God, persistence in finding a solution, and support from amazing friends, I found a path that allowed me to not just survive, but thrive in a pandemic.

Chapter Nine: Written by E.B.

Bio: Young professional from the Netherlands and Switzerland. Having grown up living in different countries around the world, I identify as a third culture kid. I am currently based in the Netherlands where I manage ‘Youth for the Rhine’.

To say the least, 2020 has been a year that has challenged me in all ways. Having worked from home now for almost a year, my sense of ‘normalcy’—if such a thing exists—has been shaken and re-formulated. I have gotten used to waking up and stepping into the office almost instantly. The separation between work and life has been blurred. The thought of waking up before the sunrise to catch an early train, at this point, seems unthinkable. I have faced days where I had no idea what to do anymore, but also moments of happiness shared with my family and boyfriend where I cherished the uniqueness of this year. Jumping between living at home with my boyfriend and visiting my parents, I almost forgot how it felt to be alone. In summer when the Covid-19 measures became more relaxed, I found myself even forgetting how it felt to take the train alone for a dinner with colleagues in Amsterdam. Although I quickly fell into the pattern again, a new sort of bond had been formed with the people who survived lockdown with me that was difficult to shake-off.

With the holidays coming up, I realize how thankful I am to be surrounded by the people I love. Even though I have mostly been able to stay in touch with my friends via Facetime calls and Netflix Party movie nights, I am thankful for it. Corona has made me realize that we are at the core social beings that long to have contact. Although at times I did miss the feeling of being alone and enjoying some personal time by myself, I recognized how much I do love to be surrounded by friends and family. 2020 has not been very eventful, but in another way, it has. Although most of my days were spent at home working and connecting behind my computer screen, I did have time to accomplish and discover new things. This year, I successfully created and launched a new project called ‘Youth for the Rhine’ that inspires young people to co-create climate adaptation innovations. I have also spent some quality time with my sister, who for the past few years was not always near me (due to our studies and internships). I also discovered a passion for boardgames, and together with my boyfriend, played many new games that helped us make it through the long weekends at home.

2020 has been a year to remember—for the good and the bad. Although I hope that 2021 will be much better and see the eradication if not control over Covid-19, I will cherish the additional memories that this global virus brought to me. The virus did cause a lot of misery and despair to many, and idleness and loneliness to others. And yet it also brought back many of the fun activities we had long forgotten—nature walks, boardgames, arts & crafts. Although 2020 will not be remembered as my favorite year, it will be the most unique. It made for many politically incorrect memes, destabilizing presidential elections, and awkward yet addictive Tiktok videos. I will be happy to turn the page on 2020 but will look back with something that resembles a smile.

Chapter Ten: Written by Tina

Name: Tina
Age: Mid-Twenties
Ethnicity: Filipino-American
Occupation: Human Resources
Location: NYC

2020 has been a challenging year for me. I think it has been challenging for a lot of us- each in our own way.

If you ask me for a highlight reel, personally, the year just seems like a giant blur. At times, the culmination of the pandemic, quarantine, social/political/racial/environmental events, job changes, and lifestyle transitions made it feel like nothing, yet everything was happening at the same time.

However, this is also why I think that 2020 is what I needed. Amidst this year’s many events, came the realization that- simply going through the motions day-after-day, taking whatever life throws at you, is not sustainable. I need to stop flying on autopilot. I need to slow down.

And so, I took out my journal and asked myself some questions. The purpose of these questions was to reflect on where I am now, reevaluate what is truly important to me, and understand how I can start living more intentionally in my everyday thoughts, words, and actions: 

Self-Growth: Who is the person that I want to become? What qualities of my best-self do I want to manifest? Where am I now vs. where I want to be?

Relationships: Which relationships are important to me? Why? How can I be a better friend, partner, listener, and confidant?

Work/Career: What is the next step in my career? What greater impact can I make with the work that I do? How can I set better work/life boundaries?

Creativity/Learning: What new things can I learn about? What can I create, and how can I make this content meaningful?

Lifestyle: What is my ideal lifestyle? What is my relationship with material and digital things? How do my everyday actions make an impact on society and the environment?

Wellness: How am I feeling? What habits can I improve to take better care of myself? What am I grateful for?

Yes, there are a lot of questions. And no, I do not have all the answers at this very moment. While they will take some time to process, slowing down serves as a gentle reminder that it is ok to stop and take a look at the view before starting up again.

With that, sending you all love and light as we close out 2020 together. ✨

Chapter Eleven: Written by Aisha

Name: Aisha
Age: 27
Ethnicity: Indian-American 
HR Professional / Pastry Chef
Location: New York
Instagram: @akhansia / @yung__pastry (two underscores)

2020 reflections

had this very powerful conversation with some peers recently. the questions posed were:

1. what is one thing you are leaving behind in 2020?

2. what is one thing you gave birth to in 2020?

so it goes. for me, it was one in the same. the first had to happen in order for the second to be born. but did the first one ever really die?

yes. it did.

so it goes. 2020 has brought so much emotion. i won’t list them all just yet. there's too many and i only have 500 words. 

just kidding.

the things that my peers shared were so open and honest and vulnerable, yet bold. 

the energy was powerful. 

it was so inspiring to be a part of that conversation, and feel that energy radiating off of them. 

and feel their words resonating within myself.

for me, I’m leaving behind my life in the shadows 

and stepping into the light.

letting go of my masked self

and giving birth to my true self. 

letting go of doing things to please others in a way that allows no room for me to have space to do anything for myself. 

letting go of feelings of inadequacy, which then result in feelings of fear.

letting go of things that don’t serve me

that don’t nourish my mind, my heart, my soul.

letting go of relationships

releasing oneself from any old, open wounds

allowing oneself to breathe. 

deeply.

and welcoming a birth!

welcoming myself with myself. 

meeting myself for the first time. 

seeing myself for the first time. 

i am beautiful.

i am worthy.

i am kind.

i am human.

i am only human.

but i am also me.

i have so much knowledge to share.

i have so much love to give.

i have so much joy to spread.

i owe it to myself now.

i’m not doing this for anyone else 

but me.

does that change how we behave?

if i’m not doing this for the praise of others,

what's the point?

you wanna know what the point is?

the point is that

we owe it to ourselves.

2020 has shown me that i owe it to myself

to be my truest self 

at all times.

we are all worthy of loving and being loved.

and that also includes loving ourselves

so fiercely 

that no one can question who you are. 

because the only person you are is you.

Chapter Twelve: Written by Corey Leung

Name: Corey Leung
Age: 26
Occupation: MBA Student
Location: NYC

2020 Personal Reflection

COVID

One of my favorite reads of the past year was a collection of short stories by Ted Chiang called “Exhalation”. I love sci-fi because good sci-fi, beyond the technological and futuristic bells and whistles, speaks to our humanity provocatively but subtly, eschewing on-the-nose rhetoric while deftly diagnosing human motivations and desires. In one of the short stories, there was a line that particularly caught my attention: “Civilization now depends on self-deception.” I thought that hit pretty close to home for the year 2020. Many of us are suffering from prolonged isolation and anxiety, millions of people are unemployed and dipping into their savings, small businesses are closing, and our country is divided by politics and resurfacing racial tension – in this grim afterglow, delusion seems to be a wonderful reprieve from reality. Observing people who believe COVID is a hoax or who refuse to wear masks despite sound medical advice has been jarring for me. In addition, I lost my Mom to breast cancer earlier this year. I myself indulged in self-deception for a while after her passing. The pain of missed opportunities and the regret of words said and unsaid weighed heavily on my shoulders for months. Denial became an easy deflection from facing my feelings. I have found that these self-defense mechanisms are initially useful in protecting yourself from the pain, but long-term they can be damaging if not downright toxic. Society tells us to pursue happiness and comfort, but the deeper things in life can only be experienced in real time and cannot be short circuited just because they are difficult. As C.S. Lewis puts it, “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.”

Lessons Learned

There are some silver linings to what on initial pass seems like a dumpster fire of a year. Isolation gave me a lot of time to reflect. I found that left to my own devices - with no physical responsibilities of making the brutal 5-minute trek to campus for my grad classes and the ability to attend classes wearing nothing but pajamas - there was little incentive to stay motivated. Without physically attending grad classes, recruiting and professional events everyday, I found that what had passed for a “busy” life was really just an unexamined life.

In my time in the shoe, there are several lessons I took away.

1)     Solitude can be deeply cathartic.

2)     Uncertainty is disruptive.  

3)     Relationships need to be intentionally cultivated.

Solitude is hard to find in an age of technology and social media because we are always plugged in. I found that once the pandemic hit, many of my friends were talking about how much “more” time they had. I felt the same – I no longer had to constantly check my phone and keep up with my busy scheduling. Life became simpler as we all moved our lives - both work and school - online and into our homes. With a bit more time to ourselves, I had a chance to really count my blessings. It sounds contrived and strange to say, but when I step back and look at where I am, I feel incredibly lucky to have the people in my life that I do and for the opportunities I’ve been given. My father was an orphan growing up and my parents barely had two pennies to rub together when they first married. Yet I ended up with loving and supportive parents, friends who invest in me, and a career that, despite rocky moments, has turned out alright. During the pandemic, I have only felt these blessings more profoundly.

Uncertainty this year for me looked a little different than the typical American or even some of my fellow MBA classmates. I didn’t have the fear of losing a job or experiencing difficulties in job recruiting, but I was mostly concerned with the uncertainty surrounding my personal life. I struggled with how to help my Dad stay connected to a community after Mom passed, and I was uncertain about how and when I would start my own family. But I could see how the uncertainty that the pandemic brought was crippling for many. Its hard to imagine how you are going to raise your kids when you are struggling to make ends meet because you just lost your job. Or you are anxious about your loved ones who are sick, afraid to visit them to avoid increasing the chances that they contract COVID.

Relationships have always been important to me. I always tell myself that real meaning in life comes from living with or for other people. Easier said than done of course. I get busy and I get complacent; I sometimes lose touch with close friends and I fail to invest time in those who I really care for. Because investing in people doesn’t reap immediate benefits as quickly as investing in our careers or even in our hobbies, it can be hard to prioritize. I learned this year that even a quick phone call to catch up with an old friend can turn around their entire day. A few kind words can really make a difference. Humans are fundamentally social creatures, and we seek a connection with the people around us. COVID has only highlighted the importance of that for me.

Faith Renewed

My faith in God grew significantly during the pandemic. Challenges and trials really do shape our character and bring us further into maturity. I think its fair to say 2020 has been a challenging year for everyone. But despite the abysmal year and the negative rhetoric embraced by our politicians, I find that the suffering and challenges has drawn me closer to God. When we don’t understand why things are happening the way they are, we seek answers in the divine because often those are the only answers they provide some measure of peace and comfort. I’ve thought a lot about Romans 5:3-5 since the beginning of the pandemic:

“…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

I hope that as we start a new year and begin to rebuild a sense of normalcy in our lives, I will be able to devote my time in meaningful ways to the people in my life who I love and care for.

Chapter Thirteen: Written by Gina Chen

Name: Gina Chen
Age: 29
Ethnicity: Chinese American
Occupation: Content Strategist
Location: New York City
@trundlings on Twitter & Instagram

I don’t remember which of the three of us sent the first snapshot, but it became a regular occurrence sometime in the late summer or early fall to share pictures of subway poems in the group text I had with my manager S and close colleague J. We were working for the 2020 Census, and whether we were going to the office, going to conduct interviews, or going to relay equipment, it always seemed like the universe was giving us a lyrical token, a beatific touch, anytime we happened upon a train car with a poem on a poster.

We needed it—counting became one of many things that the pandemic complicated in 2020. The presumably easy and interesting temp job I’d signed up for was none of the former and all connotations of the latter by the time it started in July, four months after it’d been scheduled pre-COVID. Just as I’d gotten a training date in March, New York City came to a standstill but for ambulances and essential workers. By July, the Census Bureau emailed: they’d figured it out, ordered PPE, and made process adjustments for the hundreds of thousands of us responsible for the door-knocking part of the Census. What soon became apparent was that they hadn’t.

As with all my work projects, I soon became over-invested in fixing everything I could: I wrote manuals on how to use the proprietary apps we were forced to use when the training turned out to be insufficient; I trained dozens of fellow staffers and made countless spreadsheets; I reached out to my local assemblywoman for help in connecting with nonresponsive landlords. Some point in the first month, J and I were told either one of us needed to always be in the office to manage communications; we were part lynchpin, part whipping boy, with nominal title changes as we took on responsibilities well above our station. Both of us began spending upwards of ten hours a day in the office or out in the field with our teams; we would pass the limit for overtime but continue to work anyway, eating the extra hours.

Unlike any of my previous work, the ramifications of not doing my best, of not cajoling or supporting others to do their best, though, would have real material consequence that was all the more magnified with the pandemic. In training, it was drilled into us endlessly: the Census impacts not only apportionment—the division of US Representatives across 50 states—but also the distribution of over $1 trillion. To miss a single person would mean a loss of tens of thousands of dollars for the next decade for our city, and in walking and talking along the streets of Lower Manhattan, I felt an acute desperation to do as much as I could for the place I live, for my neighbors. 2020 was fucked, and the Census was fucked, but whatever I could manage to unfuck a little, I would try to do.

Also unlike any of my previous work, going to work didn’t necessarily mean putting myself in mortal peril. Even pre-Covid 19, the job had been positioned as one you could do largely from home. It became an oddly rote habit to make my way past armed security guards, flash a federal badge, go through a metal detector, and go into an office setting, albeit an office setting stuffed to the gills with hand sanitizer and masked co-workers and would-be-Dwight Schutes enforcing a 6-foot distance and proper mask-wearing at every turn. The vigilance in the office was all the more jarring, though, when respondents would open their doors maskless; very few people balked at putting one on, but the interaction was a strange, intense reminder of the dangerous absurdity of 2020.

I lived close enough to the office that most days I could walk; I’d catch up on emails and text messages and share the latest process updates, utilizing my working-while-walking skills I’ve developed as one of those always-on-the-go New Yorkers. But there were times that simply necessitated taking public transit, like going from Battery Park City to the Lower East Side, or from Tribeca to the Bronx, and in the moments where all I could do was sit in a metal tube, going from dark tunnels to rattling bridges with dirty platforms and audacious rats, I found peace and hope and renewal. With no service to connect me to the outside world, spotting the swirling curlicues of the logo for “Poetry in Motion,” the public arts program responsible for placing poetry in transit systems, and reading lines from Audre Lorde (or Marie Howe, or Alberto Ríos), I felt renewed connection to what it means to be in this town, to live in this town.

I think of everyone sitting near me, and if they’re reading the poem too. I think of everyone who’s ridden before and riding after us and where they’re going; I wonder if the next subway car has the same poem. I wonder if S and J might like this poem, that they might feel a similar catharsis; I snap a photo to share with them later. I hold the poem with me, and then I disembark, walking back into the rhythm of the city.

Chapter Fourteen: Written by Steven Senko

Name: Steven Senko
Age: 27
Ethnicity: Korean-American
Occupation: Marketing Director
Location: Princeton, NJ

2020 has been a year filled with challenges but overall it was mostly positive. With the epidemic of the coronavirus that took place earlier this year it has forced me to limit myself in ways that I was not used too. Pre-covid I was always out with friends, attending cool events and going on many trips but this year sadly that wasn’t the case for the most part. This year however allowed me to take care of so many personal projects that I wouldn’t have gotten done if it wasn’t for being in quarantine for so long earlier this year. During quarantine I however was able to connect with so many amazing people who come from a similar background as me being an Asian adoptee. Attending a lot of “meetups” via Zoom was probably one of the best things to ever come out of 2020 for me. It’s always nice to meet so many people who can relate to you on a personal level that not many people could and this has allowed me to build so many lasting friendships. Even though we may not be able to freely travel as we once were able too I hope that someday in the near future we can do so again. The only traveling I mainly did this year was taking small trips to go hiking and exploring in the tri-state area and learning to appreciate nature more. That to me was very valuable and an incredible experience. It is always nice to disconnect from life for that brief moment and take in what the world has to offer outdoors. The challenges of the virus has also impacted my work performance since my job requires me to always being out at multiple places but I have to always be careful where I go and who I interact with and making sure I keep as healthy and safe as I can while out in the community. I treated this as a positive thing since I had to adapt to the ever constant changes in the community but made me an even more efficient worker. As long as people keep respecting others health and safety in check, we will all be able to make it through this epidemic together and hopefully have a normal life.

Chapter Fifteen: Written by Karen Aguirre

Name: Karen Aguirre
Age: 26 years old
Ethnicity: Hispanic
Occupation: Secretary

“3...2…1...Happy New Years, may this year be unforgettable!!!” These were the words that started my 2020. I think that everyone was on the lookout of what this year was to bring. I actually had a couple of reasons to why I was looking forward for this 2020. On Christmas Eve of 2019, I got engaged to my best friend. We met in December of 2012 and after eight years we were taking that step. He means the world to me. He has always supported me, cheered me on when I felt like I could not get through the semesters, and helped me realize that two people are better than one. Our wedding was scheduled for November 1st, 2020. It was also my last semester in college, which meant I was about to graduate with an associate degree in Science. I had no words to describe what I felt with these major events coming up.

January. My fiancé and I started looking at venues, searching for vendors, etc. February. We booked a venue and locked in our vendors. By the end of February, we had our engagement party with both sides of the family. Then MARCH of 2020 hit. CORONAVIRUS. PANDEMIC. STATE SHUTDOWN. NO TOILET PAPER. MASSIVE SHOPPING. MASKS. GLOVES. AHHH!! Who would have ever thought that the deadliest virus would appear and paralyze the world! To be honest, at first it sounded scary because no one knew about this virus, where, and how it came to be. We had to be at home for many weeks and be carefully shopping when it was necessary. I thank God because I did not stop working because my job was deemed essential. I was taking care of my mother and providing for the house because at that time I still lived with her. She had to close down her self-owned business for a while. That was hard. The moment she decided to close down impacted me. I had never seen my mother so worried, however I felt like I had to keep my head up for her. As the days and weeks went by, we spent time together and our relationship as mother-daughter grew. Yes, there were some horrible things going on in the world, but not everything was going wrong. Families got to be together, people had time to slow down and think. I also thank God that we did not lose any of our family members. Some of my friends did lose their loved ones. It was tough seeing them go through something like this, but they knew that they could count on my prayers. I am certain that one thing that maintained my family was prayer and obviously taking preventative measures. We did not visit anyone. Not even my fiancé got to come over. This was devastating because we had to be planning the wedding through facetime and not experience it like other couples.

April. May. TIK TOKS, WHIPPED COFFEE, DANCES, DRIVE BY PARTIES, STILL NO LYSOL, and ZOOM. School classes moved online, and I was not a fan of this. I had to take my finals through a computer screen! Also, my “graduation” was supposed to occur. It got postponed until next year with the following class. This was something I waited for my whole life! I was one of the first ones from my entire family to graduate college. It was a dream that I was watching fade away. Yet, my family and friends made it special. As I write this I tear up because they all came in their cars from all different states and honked as they passed by house. This made it extra special.

June. July. The summer nights with friends, going to the beach, going places, celebrating my birthday, all of that was not in the picture. And if we did go someplace, we had to take precautions and masks. Then an unexpected event happened. My car was in accident and no longer working. I was worried at first, because this is how I get places and with this pandemic, my hours were being cut and was not ready to buy a new car. However, I knew that I was not going to be left alone. God blessed me with a new car! I was in tears crying like a baby because He is faithful.

August. September. By this month, I was going crazy because my venue called me that the wedding had to be outside! It was going to be cold and not what I had in mind all of this time of planning. I was devastated. All I had to do was either wait or change the date. I was not planning to change the date. I was not going to let this pandemic get in the way of an amazing step my fiancé and I were going to take. This month was also a month where we lost on our family friends. Rest in peace all those who died from COVID-19 and thanking all the healthcare workers, teachers, mail mans, cleaning and general employees!

Chapter Sixteen: Written by Pooja Kolluri

Name: Pooja Kolluri
Age: 28
Ethnicity: Indian American
Occupation: Advertising Creative
Location: Greenpoint, Brooklyn

About Me: A long time ago, I made a promise to myself to treat everyone that came my way with the same kindness and love as I would a best friend, and it's a lifelong-experiment I will never regret. While I'm certainly an introvert, I actually love people--listening to them, understanding them, and helping them in anyway I can. At the end of the day, I'm a writer. Find me @poakoui on Instagram and @ohmydeardreamer on Twitter.

Reflecting on 2020

The fear and anxiety associated with 2020 would only hit me months later, at the brink of the second wave. Instead, in March, I had been deep in planning a huge, 60-person birthday bash for myself, just because. On March 14th, 2020, I realized it wasn't going to happen. A week later, as the city went into lockdown, I had one of the first Zoom birthday parties. Even then, I was so sure that it would only be a few weeks of this strange new world.

Of course, weeks have turned into months. Weeks now feel like months. I remember the last two weeks of March in the emotions I felt, not time as we define it. It was been like being born: painful, confusing, sudden, and none of us had a choice but to go through with it. Perhaps it's why not too many of us can remember that moment of being born. If we did, would we live differently?

Living is different now than it was this time last year, but I haven't allowed much time for missing life before the pandemic. Every now and again, I'll see an old photo or video of a dinner party or a dance party or house party, and wonder how we did it without the innate fear we have today. I wonder if it will ever go away, if I'll ever watch a movie again without flinching at the fact that nobody has masks on, or if I'll ever ride the subway again. I wonder if we'll ever learn to live with hope while living with fear.

But, perhaps the opposite has happened. Perhaps I'm not afraid to live anymore. I found love this year, after all. After 6 year hiatus from using my heart, I decided it was time to let myself fall. And fall I did--hard, and fast, and no matter how long it lasts, I am happy to be happy. I'm not afraid to let myself be happy, to do things that make me happy. There's no point in doing anything else, and that much has finally become clear to me. That's what love can do.

It's an incredible privilege for me to be able to say this, but I think the world needed this. We needed to reevaluate itself and the way we operate. We needed to redefine normal, and the only way to get there was to blow everything up in flames. And while the flames continue to blaze on, I find myself at the end of 2020, basking in their warmth, ready to keep burning next year and for years to come.

Chapter Seventeen: Written by Michael Bucceri

Name: Michael Bucceri
Age: 28
Ethnicity: Colombian and Italian (Born in NJ, US)
Occupation: I&O IT Business Analyst @ National Grid
Location: Boston, Massachusetts USA

Bio: Michael is well open minded individual and a lifelong learner. He seeks to obtain knowledge on a weekly basis.
As ambitious and serious he gets, he also has his silly, fun, and calm side to him. Michael also gets involved in multi-cultural events and is a former pianist and composer. 

You can find him on:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hydrax5
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mikeybuccs5/ 
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelabucceri/ 

During the year of 2020, it has been another stressful year of my life, but I dare say it was the most productive and personal developing year for me as an individual. While being stuck inside stressed out from the pandemic, I have had a flow of emotions and thoughts flow through my head to the point, I just was not feeling happy anymore with my life as I was burned out from a massive program I helped deliver at work, I missed my friends, family, normal life as it all dissipated away. I had my line manager switched a few times until I was finally aligned with a line manager that truly focused on my career and development as I go employed through the client I was working for. I have made some new friends during the pandemic and perhaps lost a good one. I never realized until later summer how much the pandemic has affected us all mentally and physically. So everyday I learn to count my blessings, find inner peace within myself, read personal improvement books and experiment the ideas from the book and of course continue my knowledge exploration for my career and personal life. At the end of the day, I am grateful for the friends I have, the family I have, the colleagues I have, the things I have, and my doctors as well. Without them, the year would have been a lot tougher, and I recognize I have what others do not, as that keeps me in check with myself, I remain humble as possible. I really want life to go back to normal and see everyone again…..

Chapter Eighteen: Written by Wellern Yu

Name: Wellern Yu
Age: 26
Ethnicity: Chinese-American
Occupation: Commercial Real Estate
Location: Jersey City, NJ

This year has been a huge change for me in terms of what I want to do career wise and where I can possibly see myself next.

The pandemic gave me time to take a step back and reevaluate my life in terms of what I want to do next and what steps I need to take to get there. Slow down everything which was probably what I needed as well.

Impact of this year was tremendous on my personal business and how I interact with my friends and family. It definitely made some things harder but made other things in my life a bit easier well.

There is a pretty fair balance on how this has affected me and I try to look at the positives and what I can be doing to improve my situation.

Chapter Nineteen: Written by Lily Lee

Name: Lily Lee
Age: 26
Ethnicity: Chinese-American
Occupation: Project Manager
Location: NJ

2020 has been an eventful year. For the majority of it, it was the year of my grandpa. My grandpa took a fall and ended up in the hospital right before the pandemic and ended up in long-term care. With the coronavirus regulations, it meant I couldn’t see him for the entire year. When my grandpa used to see me, his face would light up with a bright crescent eyed smile and sing a song of my name that he made up when I was a little girl. He loved to sing and perform. If you asked anyone who was lucky enough to experience his presence, they’d remember his charming personality and musical performances. His nurses and caretakers loved him. He sang old love songs all the time in English and Russian—he learned bits and pieces of different languages in his youth and loved entertain us with his talents. In his last few months, he lost his appetite and became so thin, despite all efforts to encourage him to eat. I watched my mom, aunt, and uncle tirelessly provide for my grandpa. They fought hard for permission to be granted so that they could visit more frequently and care for him. Every week they had to take a coronavirus test. They would rotate between siblings to feed him hours on end and make delicious and nutritious blended food that he could swallow. Bribery of ice cream was often involved to make sure he consumed enough nutrients. They would clean him up and dress him in warm clothes. The rest of us would watch during family video hangouts. It felt very sudden that his delusion and his old age and pneumonia took over. Most of my family saw him for the last time on a quick video call after my mom and uncle rushed to the emergency room having received the news that it might be his last moments. None of us were ready to face the fact that in just minutes of seeing him, it would be the last breath we’d see him take. I always saw my grandpa as a cute, optimistic, smiling man. We couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go even at the long life of 94 on December 3rd. All new to the bereavement process, my family and I planned a special ceremony that would resemble the elegance, romance, and charm of my grandpa. Even through all the tears, my grandma couldn’t help but admire how beautiful all the flowers were and how we celebrated his lovely life. After a while, I started this project and it helped me get through the difficult season. It became something exciting for my mom and I to ideate on. I visited my grandma and she talked about how lonely this year was. A lot of her normal activities became limited. She couldn’t see my grandpa who was stuck in long-term care for the year but she enjoyed video chats with the family. What really touched her was that her friends, family and community took good care of her during this time. Due to my 2020 project, I’ve been connecting with people again and it feels great to take a pause and reflect on life and create something meaningful. But the best gift in 2020 is that my brother got married on December 28th. My mom and I set up a DIY wedding inside our home. It was a really good day filled with so much love.

Chapter Twenty: Written by Sandy Yang

Name: Sandy Yang
Age: 27
Ethnicity: Chinese American
Occupation: E-Commerce Operations Manager
Location: New York City

It-That-We-Will-Not-Name-19 dropped into 2020 like a tornado that we all never expected. I remember the majority of my friends started to work from home, but my role as a manager at Amazon required me to be physically available. My role was to ensure my team sent out food deliveries on time to the New York region. Orders increased, which meant my team headcount increased. We were adding hundreds and hundreds of people, going up in the thousands of direct reports. I remember staying at work for over 16 hours a day.

ITWWNN-19 hit me one day. I thought it was food poisoning from the shrimp I had earlier, but not my luck! 102 degree fever days and body aches came on. I was bedridden for 2 weeks, sleeping for 20 hours a day and having Pho for comfort food. Friends were so kind to drop off food or offer to send supplies. 2 weeks later, I lost my sense of taste and smell for three more weeks. I understood from that month of being home-ridden, I enjoy work a little too much.

After getting tested negative and antibody positive, I was SO HAPPY TO BE MOVING AGAIN. While being safe and wearing a mask, I wanted to get out and interact with the community (safely). There was a volunteer opportunity to send out food to the Chinatown community in need. It was so sweet to wake up on my days off to give out food to the sweet grandmas, grandpas, aunties and uncles who needed food. Luckily, knowing 5 languages and 3 dialects in Chinese helped with communicating with everyone. 2020 showed me how kind, strong and giving everyone can be when things get tough. Happy to have my smell back, and hopefully 2021 will be better!

2020 Stories Continued

Chapter Twenty One: Written by Daniel Hoddinott

Name: Daniel Hoddinott
Age: 27
Identifies as: Asian-American
Occupation: Student Affairs Professional at Cornell
Location: Connecticut

As all of the stories mentioned, 2020 was an extremely challenging, emotional, and unique year. From an individualistic point of view, my year was filled with lots of positive and long-lasting memories. From getting engaged, paying off my loans, spending lots of time with family, and seeing all of the racial injustice and medical heroes every day, I feel more inspired and excited to see what 2021 has in store for me.

Michael Bucceri mentioned how grateful he is for the people in his life. As people, we have been conditioned to want things that we actually do not need. The continuous murders of BIPOC by police and the high number of COVID-19 related deaths has made me much more appreciative of everything that I have in my life and to be less passive.

As 2021 starts where 2020 ended, I am hopeful that things will turn around sooner than later. I am hopeful that transformational change will happen in all systems of society. If there is one universal takeaway from 2020, it is that we need to appreciate what we have because so many people have lost so much. 

Chapter Twenty Two: Written by Fiona Lee

Name: Fiona Lee
Age: 27
Ethnicity: Chinese
Location: Central Jersey
Occupation: UX Designer

After reading the 2020 stories, there were several parts and experiences that stood out to me. Particularly because some felt like they were speaking to me while some felt like the same sentiments I had experienced in 2020, which felt really nice to learn that I wasn’t the only one.

“Until then, channel gratitude for the precious opportunities you still have and don’t forget to take a moment to yourselves right now. Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to live: All you got is right now. This world doesn’t wait for anyone.”
— Calvin Sun

We always try to be in control of our lives, but there are many things that are out of our control, and we have to accept the current situation and make the most out of it. What Calvin said was very accurate, “All you got is right now. The world doesn’t wait for anyone.” It’s a good reminder to tell myself to stop waiting and start doing, and 2021 is exactly my year of taking actions, making mistakes, and becoming better. I started investing in stocks and ETFs, filming YouTube videos, and partaking in creative projects.

“The pandemic bought me time to reorder my priorities and slowed down time in my life to focus on new goals. It was a reset button.

Preparation. That’s the season God placed me. 2020 was a hard year, yet I was not the only one affected by the pandemic lockdowns. I do not have control over my external circumstances, but through prayer to God, persistence in finding a solution, and support from amazing friends, I found a path that allowed me to not just survive, but thrive in a pandemic.”
— Eric Gan

Every aspect of my life was very good before the pandemic. At least, that’s how I perceived of it. As always, I tried to live a fulfilling and productive life. I tried to make the most out of my time by filling it up with my career, side hustles, my friends & family, and social hobbies, such as yoga and baking to a point that I never left any “me time” for myself to sit and reflect. Or lie down and do nothing and binge watch 5 hours of Netflix. Until this pandemic happened. It felt like “it was a reset button.” My lifestyle completely changed. I slowed down, reflected on my life, thought about what gets me excited, and improved my financial goals. I was always financially healthy being able to save over 65% of my income, but little did I know about retirement and investment accounts. Because before the pandemic, I allocated most of my time to friends, family, colleagues, and my Instagram foodie community, I didn’t spend enough time on myself or focus on how to improve as person. With the abundance of free time, I restructured my lifestyle and allocation of my time, which allowed me to grow and learn many new things I never knew about. I spent more time testing out new recipes. I attempted to buy my first house. I checked out countless houses and put a bid on a few but ended up houseless, which ultimately led me to the decision of moving back home with my parents. It’s so precious to be back home, to be able to spend time with my parents, and eat home-cooked food every night, which improved my health tremendously and increased my savings too! Also, because it was difficult to physically see or hang out with my friends in-person, it allowed me to reconnect with even more friends who I didn’t get to see often but in a much more efficient way. Life was good before the pandemic, but life is even better in every aspect. “I found a path that allowed me to not just survive, but thrive in a pandemic.”

“1. what is one thing you are leaving behind in 2020?
2. what is one thing you gave birth to in 2020?”
— Aisha

In 2020, I said good-bye to my beliefs that were outdated, to the people who didn’t serve me, and to my lifestyle that restricted me.

2020 was a year that gave birth to my cocktails Instagram @cocktailswithmeNYC, which led to numerous new and unexpected opportunities.

2020 is a year that allowed me to learn to un-learn and relearn. Many things I thought was not possible, but 2020 proved me wrong.

For 2021, I look forward to continue making mistakes, learning from them, and growing from my experiences.

Follow Fiona’s new cocktails Instagram page:
@cocktailswithmeNYC

Chapter Twenty Three: Written by Lauren

Name: Lauren
Age: 23
Ethnicity: Chinese
Occupation: Student
Location: Vancouver, Canada

The end of 2020 was very difficult, as my grandma passed away in November. She lived with my family and I for my entire life, and her not being here feels strange and foreign. I miss her a lot. But despite the sadness and grief, I’ve been reflecting on the acts of kindness and generosity from others when my grandma was in end-of-life care.

My grandma, who was my mom’s mom, was in hospice care for 2 and a half months after suffering a stroke. My mom took a leave of absence from work so she could make caretaking her full-time job. She spent all day every day by my grandma’s side, doing everything in her power to make her comfortable. My grandma had difficulty swallowing, so my mom prepared pureed congee in a blender for her every morning. I watched my mom spoon feed my grandma for every meal, each taking up to an hour and a half. After propping my grandma up with pillows so she could sit up comfortably, my mom would rub my grandma’s feet with lotion and play her favourite Chinese concert videos.

My mom did all of this while mourning the inevitable loss of her mom, who was her last living parent. Everything my mom did was completely thankless. I had never witnessed so much compassion and selflessness before.

For her last few weeks, my grandma came home so she could spend it with family. We had nursing support come to our house four times a day. We were fortunate to have an all Chinese team of nurses who worked so tirelessly and diligently to give my grandma the highest quality of care. Each treated my grandma with so much respect and dignity, doing their best to communicate with her even when my grandma couldn’t speak anymore. They showed my family and I genuine empathy and kindness while we were grappling with such profound loss.

I held my grandma’s hand as I said my last words to her. Because of her Dementia, I was sure she wouldn’t be able to register it. But despite the years of memory loss, the months of struggling, and the weeks of discomfort, as I told her I loved her one last time, she squeezed my hand. Whether she actually recognized me or it was a knee-jerk reaction, it is a moment where pain and heartbreak is overpowered by love and gratitude.

My grandma died peacefully in her sleep with my mom and my brother by her side. I’m so happy she’s no longer in pain. Her last meal was ice cream, which was her favourite food, so that brought me a lot of joy.

We’re arranging my grandma’s ashes to be grown into a tree. As an immigrant who envisioned a better life for her kids, she always wanted to live in America, so we’re planting it at my cousin’s house in Washington. I can’t wait to visit.