Collection of Personal Stories: Reflections on 2022

Chiaki:

2022 was the year where for the first time everything fell in the right place at the right time. After a year and a half of studying to switch into a tech role, I landed an incredible job at a company I didn’t even expect myself to ever associate with. Usually I have a hard time of accepting the rewards for my work, but this time I can say I worked my butt off for getting here and I’m so proud of myself. It was also through this job that I was able to grant my family and I a new home after unexpectedly having to leave our previous place. This year was full of ups and downs, but I am so extremely grateful for how everything turned out. I made some great new friends, learned a whole lot, and was able to gain so much.

Dylan:

I spent much of last year in my head. Reflecting. Death is never easy to cope with; it becomes even stranger when you built so much of your identity around other people like I have. Even if I outwardly told myself that I only do what I want; subconsciously, I molded myself into whatever space people allowed me to occupy until I didn’t know what form I should take on myself. So what form do you take when those people are no longer to around to build up your walls? Are you supposed to just let the entire building collapse?

I like to think I chose to latter. I let the entire structure fall— but not in vein. One by one, I am reorganizing the bricks on my own term. I’ve written the blueprint; I’ve seen the end. We plan on rebuilding ourselves twice as high as before. Sure, you can help, but this time around, I am the architect.

Joyce:

2022 really challenged me. As one new friend comically put it, this year was a “baptism by fire.” But in this fiery baptism, one unexpected gift I have been graced with is experiencing a deeper and wider sense of conviction.

In my experience, I don’t believe conviction needs to be intense, loud, or appear strong. To me, I think conviction at its core involves the willingness to accept a costly price for your beliefs and values. With that, I think conviction can be quiet. Conviction can look like vulnerability - maybe even timidity - on the outside because of the commitment to “show up.” For me, conviction has been like faith in action, confronting the harshness of reality while through it all, acting on and for the belief that the truth is ultimately compassionate.

Lisa:

Through many seasons of life, but especially through the season of COVID, I have reflected on this truth: that life is a funeral and a wedding. Life is moments of grief–death and disease, -isms and abrasive headlines–bumping up ever so inconveniently and rudely against moments of joy: baby showers and parties, birthdays and weddings. And in some beautiful way, wisdom and even contentment has looked not like trying to ask “why” grief and joy co-exist as much as learning, somehow, to hold both at the same time. To look at both as a way to give equal dignity to the beautiful and the ugly, the wonderful and the gritty. This has looked like going from a hospital visit to a baby shower and allowing myself to not feel like a fraud. Or ugly crying with my mother on a Saturday morning about the hardest loss of her life, and learning to not feel guilty laughing at my friend’s birthday party in the afternoon. 

Life deserves to be mourned just as it deserves to be celebrated. But prior to 2022, it was easier for me to attend weddings than funerals: far easier to celebrate than to mourn. So in 2022, I’m proud that I finally gave myself the space to practice the discipline of grieving: and in particular, to welcome tears as a gift. In our culture, we tend to think of crying as an unpleasant but necessary evil: something that makes us vulnerable and defenseless. Across gender stereotypes and cultures, many of us feel immature or powerless when we break down into tears. We assign a beginning and end to the grieving process because we see it as a means to push through our momentary emotional stumbling blocks and feel lighter, so we can move on with life and “just keep swimming.”

But lately, I’ve found a new sense of freedom in tears. 2022 was a year in which I quit my almost 30-year overworking streak and gave myself an indefinite amount of time to just invest in myself–and to heal. 2022 was also a year where I lost my beloved grandpa and another dear fatherly figure in my life. Both involved so, so many tears. I’m someone who’s been socially and culturally conditioned to overfunction, particularly when I’m in pain. To strive: to invest more energy than I have working, pushing, proving, and defending myself. So in those beautiful, rare moments when I’m absolutely overcome with emotion–the wordless kind–I feel like I can finally stop striving. I feel free. 

Prior to 2022, I remember talking about laughter as medicine. But 2022 has taught me also to talk about crying as sacred. ❤️

Corey:

Fish out of Water

If I look at it one way, I could describe my 2022 with the word “displaced”. For the past 10 years, I’ve led a modest nomadic lifestyle as a direct consequence of my career, each goal post another reason to uproot my life and move to a completely new city. 2022 saw me fully lean into a new job as a freshly minted MBA graduate in the Midwest with the simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying prospect of rebuilding a sense of community and purpose. New environments for me always bring feelings of being a fish out of water. On the daily, I was asking myself, how do I recreate a sense of direction that’s meaningful to me? What are the avenues for developing real, authentic connections and relationships in a new city? How am I going to structure my days and weeks and set long-term goals? 

When I was younger, I loved the idea of moving because it felt better than staying still. It’s funny how inertia works the same for an object in motion as it does for an object at rest. In years past, several of my close friends have gotten married, bought their first homes, and had kids. In my periods of insecurity, I worry about “falling behind” as if my life is perpetually benchmarked to an unspoken timeline. I’ve had to remind myself that each person’s journey is unique and there is no template for how to live my life. When I was in NYC for grad school, my peers and the cultural ethos of the city validated my drive and ambition, but they also highlighted the sacrifice I had to make to get what I wanted. I still struggle to balance ambition and contentment but I’m slowly realizing how they are two sides of the same coin. Contentment without ambition could potentially lead to a life of regrets, but ambition without contentment could lead to a life of misery.

This is Water

David Foster Wallace gave a commencement speech many years ago where he depicted a story about two fish who never realized they were swimming in water their whole lives. In the “day to day trenches of adult existence”, we often default to unconsciousness, going through the motions of our routines on autopilot. The call to action, the way we jolt ourselves into consciousness, is to keep reminding ourselves that “this is water”. For me, that meant putting myself out there as much as possible in my new environment; e.g. using the Meetup app to attend local events, trying bouldering for the first time (and getting hooked), and putting myself in as many uncomfortable (at first) experiences as I can. 

Although I’d consider myself a pretty adventurous person, my natural default setting is to surround myself with creature comforts. I’ll stick to that one coffee shop to work, I’ll talk to the same people at my bouldering gym, I’ll think to myself how nice and warm my apartment room would feel instead of attending a happy hour with random strangers in the middle of a snowstorm…. it takes effort to change up routine, but I am almost always pleasantly surprised when I do. It might seem cliché but moving somewhere new presents a blank slate to start again. Instead of relationships marked by history, there is the opportunity to curate and cultivate new friendships. Instead of familiarity with a city, there is a greater propensity to try new things. 

And so, I embrace the opportunities that come with displacement. All the worries and anxieties that might arise from feeling like a fish out of water are offset by a desire to explore and to flourish. When I feel myself falling prey to unconsciousness, I try to tell myself that wherever I am, new city or old, this is water, and each moment can bring with it amazing beauty and significance, if I choose it. Cheers to more moments and experiences that challenge us as we head into 2023 with eyes wide open!

Isabell:

For my year of 2022, I feel like if the year was a TV Show, it would be separated into 4 different seasons:

The first season would be preparing for my marathon. From the start of March until the start of September, I nonstop was training for my first marathon. I would run anywhere from between 3 miles to 7 miles every day with Sunday really being my only day to rest and cross training in between. Training for a marathon definitely taught me so much, but I think the thing that it tested me on was my mental strength. As much as a marathon is physically taxing, I would say 80% of it is mental - if you truly do not believe that you can run the 6 mile for that day, you would not be able to do it. If you truly did not think that you could finish that grueling incline uphill, you would not finish. It almost forced you to be more positive in your mindset and positive towards yourself.

The second season was disappointing. Due to the pain that I felt in my hamstring, I had to drop out of the marathon. All of that hard work training was basically gone. It made me realize that I only wanted to prove to others and myself that I could do something hard, but the Lord reminded me that I don’t have to prove anyone anything - His affirmation towards me is sufficient.

The third season was travel. Me and a good friend traveled to San Francisco and it was my first time really traveling and it was such a great experience. It was a great break from work and almost a step away from reality into this fever-dreamish state that vacation tends to bring.

The fourth season was love. My whole life altered when I reconnected with a childhood friend and started to date him after I came back from this trip. It has truly been a whiplash of getting to know each other more, and balancing each other’s personalities out. I truly feel like I am dating my best friend and someone who makes me laugh until my stomach hurts.

As someone who is very oriented towards making plans and keeping them, at the end of 2021, I have planned already to train and run my marathon as well as travel to San Francisco. I was unable to plan my injury, but most of all, I could never have imagined that I would have started to date.

Everyone I would talk to, I would tell them that I could never imagine loving someone to the point that I would want to spend the rest of my life with that person and then that same thing being true for the other person to myself and I believe that is part of the mystery of God’s miraculous Sovereignty that can never be solved, though much pondered.

For 2023, I can try to make the lists, the plans, the wants… but at the end of the day, there are things I cannot foresee - things good and things bad. I can try my best to try to guess, but that is time wasted for God is the One who has Ultimately already planned out the days of my life and the seconds of this year and I can entrust what He has for me. May we trust in Him more ❤️

Garry:

A year ago I would never have been able to predict how 2022 went for me. This year was supposed to be an uneventful year where I could finally settle down and take a breather but it was actually full of variabilities.

A few things that happened to me this year; my mom is undergoing treatment for her stage 4 cancer, I was broken up with by my girlfriend of 6 months one week after we went to Disneyland, and I left sunny California to move to Ohio out of all places.

But it wasn’t all that bad; my YouTube career started and is doing well (even though I haven’t posted in months), I made a lot of new friends, got to travel a little bit more, I’m in the best shape of my life, and I’m moving to New York City at the start of next year.

When I was asked to write this reflection I didn’t know what to write but I felt like when I look back at this past year I grew so much as a person that I would share a few lessons I learnt.

Gratefulness and gratitude

Although my dreams and ambitions are higher than ever, I’ve learnt to appreciate what I have, be happy with the present, and be grateful. Sure I am grateful for the more materialistic things as I am definitely in a more fortunate and privileged living condition than most, but the thing I am most grateful for, which I learnt to realize more this year was my upbringing. I am extremely grateful to my mom for raising me the way she did. She taught me to be smart, tough, social, positive, and most importantly, kind. Having met a plethora of people this year, I was exposed to some of the most selfish, close-minded, egotistical and negative bunch of them. The thing I’ve come to realize is that they are the way they are because they weren’t fortunate enough to have a mother like mine. The way she raised me definitely prevented me from being like them. She was always there to support me but continued to push me to the right directions from forcing me to not be shy and to ask strangers for directions, exposing me to tough life situations, or even empathizing with the panhandler by the traffic light. These little daily lessons shaped me to be a better person and even though I found them annoying as a child I am able to be thankful for it now. There’s are a lot of things to be grateful for in your life and I am still constantly finding new things to appreciate on s daily basis.

Acceptance and letting things go

You cannot control everything. The world is full of variables that are out of your control. I was bitter at the world for being unfair as my mother didn’t deserve to be sick. But somehow, my mother herself wasn’t. It was really tough but I finally understood why. There is no use being angry and stressing over things you can’t control, sometimes life just happens. You can only control your own actions and focus your energy on that. We are already blessed with what we have and we should make the best out of whatever situation we are in rather than wanting things that we have no control over to change. This applies to people too. You cannot control what people do. Even if you think they’re doing something wrong, that’s on them, not you. You can however, control the way you react. Your efforts are better spent elsewhere, sometimes you need to pick your battles and let go.

Seizing opportunities

I wash always adventurous, but until this year I finally felt like I had the balls to unapologetically myself. I didn’t realize until recently how many opportunities Life presented to me, and this year I seized a lot of them. Just recently I went to a Halloween party which I was invited to the day before by a stranger after a 5 minute conversation, and through that I actually met a lot of nice people that I now consider friends. I finally stopped caring about what people thought of me and did the things that made me happy. Instead of trying to please others I did what excites me and made me happy; And surprisingly, I feel like people actually liked me more when I’m more myself. On top of meeting loads of amazing new people this year, I reconnected with many old friends and what I found craziest, talked to acquaintances I’ve never talked to before after years of following each other for years. This didn’t happen magically, I attribute it to well, me seizing opportunities, wherever I saw an Instagram story I found interesting, I would shoot the DM, I didn’t care about what they would think, whereas previously I would be too scared because I would think “why is this weirdo messaging me I don’t even know him”. What I did find magical though, is that as I was approaching more people, more people approached me too. So I guess you really do attract the same energy you put out to the world. Don’t be afraid of social stigmas and do what you want to, even if it’s a little scary sometimes, you would be amazed by the things that would happen from saying yes once in a while to something you noisily wouldn’t.

Patience

Patience was and is something that I struggle with. Being patient with people can be tough but manageable. But being patient with time, is incredibly difficult for me. Like I said I am moving to New York City at the start of next year, and I am so eager and impatient. I just want time to skip by and get there. This applies to other things too. I know my healthier lifestyle is working and I am constantly getting in better shape, but the progress is so slow and might take years to reach where I want to be. I just have to stay consistent and disciplined. Even with my career and financial situation, I know I am still “young” and I will continue to grow as I get older but I am so impatient about it. I do have to remind myself that there’s nothing I can do about it except to stay consistent in order to actually reach my goals. That things are achieved through daily habits and that good things take time.

It’s actually crazy that even after 24 years in this life, I am still changing and developing so drastically. But I think that’s the beauty of life. As long as you’re open minded and willing to grow, life will lead the way. 2022 was not a typical year for me, but neither were the other years. Each year played its part in my life and I can’t wait to see what 2023 has for me. I for sure will try my best to get the most out of it.

Lauren:

I started a new job in 2022. I work in Human Resources at a university. Although I work in HR, my role doesn’t involve the responsibilities that people typically associate with HR, like hiring, onboarding, or conflict resolution. My role focuses on wellbeing in the workplace, which involves working on programs and initiatives that improve the overall health, wellbeing, and resilience of employees at the university. As my passion is in health promotion, getting this role was very exciting and meaningful to me.

As my background is not in HR, transitioning to this role was a huge adjustment. I remember the first few weeks to be very overwhelming because I was learning a lot of new information - the many responsibilities of my role, the organization as a whole, and the new field that I was in. Many times, I felt stressed. During this time, it was important for me to practice self-compassion and patience. I had to remind myself that learning and adjusting to a new role can be hard work and takes some time. As the months went on, I finally started to feel more and more comfortable in the role. I was grateful to get to do meaningful work alongside others who deeply cared about the wellbeing of others.

There were a few things I noticed about my work environment immediately within my first few days. Firstly, I was the youngest person in my office by quite a few years. That coupled with the siloed nature of my department, I found it a bit more difficult to build friendships at first. I started scheduling coffee chats and walks with colleagues. These conversations were oftentimes the highlight of my day. I deeply enjoyed getting to build relationships and connect with colleagues across different departments. I’m grateful to have formed many meaningful friendships at work over this past year.

Secondly, I noticed that I was one of the few Asian people in my office. I found myself yearning for the connections made with others with similar cultural experiences. My team is amazing, but at the same time I acknowledge the importance of affinity groups and connecting to others with shared intersectional identities. Something that was really meaningful to me was joining the Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion committee at work. The committee aims to identify opportunities to increase, encourage, and support equity, decolonization, and anti-racism in the workplace. I also made it a priority to actively seek and join BIPOC events and socials on campus. It helped me feel a sense of belonging and inclusion at work, where I’m often in spaces that are predominantly white and colonial.

I’m proud at how I’ve navigated many changes and challenges in my first year in this role. I feel more resilient from this past year, and I’m excited about the opportunities to continue to learn, grow, and evolve in the year to come. I hope to continue giving myself grace and celebrating the small and big wins.

Cate:

A Year of Gradual Exploration

Sunset. Baby. Toddler.

As I scrolled through the first month or so of 2022 in my phone’s photo album to jog my memory of the past year, I saw some recurring themes.

 Every picture was either of a sunset as seen from my upstairs window or front porch, my loved ones’ new babies, or my then-three-year-old son. We were all spending so much time indoors that there wasn’t much else to share with one another.

My son was born in the fall of 2018. By the time he was 18 months old, I finally felt as if I were emerging from the haze of new parenthood, more ready than ever to venture out and regain a new sense of self. Enter COVID-19 and the worldwide shutdown, with very different plans for me—for all of us.

 In late 2020, my family of three moved from California, where we were all born and raised, to Las Vegas, a place I never imagined I would reside for more than one birthday or bachelorette party weekend at a time. However, it wasn’t until early 2022 that I started venturing back out into the world, little by little, and exploring our new city—and beyond.

Airplanes. Mountains. Trails.

Around February, I started taking long walks around our neighborhood for the first time since we’d moved in months beforehand. I would walk around a loop that took me to a waterway, where I could have a clear view of the Las Vegas Strip. I’d take pictures of airplanes of all sizes flying in and out of the two nearby airports. As I listened to personal development podcasts, I’d snap photos of the mountains and trees or wildlife along the trail running behind the opposite side of the neighborhood.

As an adult, I’m rarely out in nature. But as a kid, I was always outside every chance I got to be, rollerblading down hills, jumping my bike off the sides of driveways, or climbing trees. Being outdoors again for extended periods of time and simply moving my body for more than I had for days at a time in the two years prior brought back a bit of my childlike sense of wonder. I thought becoming a parent and living through a worldwide pandemic had driven that out of me, but, alas, there it was. And it’s still here.

Pools. Parks. Slime.

Speaking of childlike wonder, my son made one of his first friends, just two doors down from our home. They are both social and brave, and they had so much fun together. I was so lucky to also find a new friend in his friend’s mother. We would spend whole days all together, making slime, playing at parks and pools, walking to neighborhood events, and eating ice cream or drinking ice-cold beverages to stay cool. Unfortunately, just as quickly as we found our new friends, they had to move across the country. There were lots of tears shed and hugs exchanged. I am so grateful for those precious few months we all had together, and we hope to see each other in person again as soon as we can—maybe at a pool or a park (or even with some slime!), for old times’ sake. 

Couples. Friends. Positive Tests.

In the springtime, I was invited to my friends’ wedding that had been postponed since early 2020. It was set outdoors, making it the perfect opportunity for me to venture out and feel safe meeting up with friends whom I had not seen in over two years. We danced and laughed together over dinner, and we acknowledged how getting used to interacting with people in person again is a process. A month later, I attended another outdoor wedding, set in the middle of the serenity of the desert. Both gatherings were so beautiful and full of love.

Unfortunately, all that joy and fun was followed up by a case of COVID toward the end of June. And I was not alone, as it seemed like almost everyone I knew, living in multiple different cities, tested positive for that infamous strain of illness over the course of a few weeks this past summer.

As our isolation period ended and our tests turned up negative, my husband and I had the thought, “While we have these freshly acquired immunities, next month might be the best time to take a trip.” We love to travel and had not anticipated being able to do so again anytime soon. But the more we thought about the patterns to the waves of infections, the more we felt this might be our last chance to be able to explore the world for a while.

And so the research began.

Ships. Trains. Planes.

A few short weeks later, in mid-August, we boarded a plane for Europe. It was a long travel day going from Las Vegas to Amsterdam to Rome, but, somehow, we all made it with enough energy to go out for a bite to eat. After two days in the summer heat of Rome, we set sail for a Mediterranean cruise, and we could hardly wait to explore cities in France, Spain, and Italy. We had dreamed of such a vacation for years, and it was finally becoming a reality! We were so close we could practically taste the croissants.

But, again, the universe had other plans.

About a day into our sailing, our son got sick. It wasn’t COVID, my husband and I never caught it from him, and we still don’t know what it was. But we basically spent the entire trip inside our cabin room, watching Sonic the Hedgehog films and ordering room service. After our son fell asleep each night, my husband and I would lounge on the patio chairs out on our room’s balcony, staring out over the dark abyss of the Mediterranean Sea. We would listen to the wind blow and the waves crash, and we talked about anything and everything.

Those were some of the first “dates” we’d had together in the almost-four years since our son had been born. So, though it wasn’t exactly the trip we had planned, we think it may have been the one we needed.

By the end of the cruise, our son was feeling in much better spirits, and we headed to Amsterdam for a week. While we were there, I got to meet for hours with a friend from Paris, eat decadent Dutch pancakes, float in a boat along the canals, and explore every incredible park and forest the city had to offer. It truly felt like a dream, and it still does even when I look back on it. We made beautiful memories over those two weeks, and I don’t regret saying yes to such a last-minute trip for a single second. 

Preschool. Playgrounds. Pumpkins.

Shortly after we returned home, our son started preschool and turned four years old. As you can imagine, after having learned every line from both movies we watched multiple times during the cruise, he had a small, Sonic-themed birthday party. He made lots of new friends and learned how to listen in class, and, if you can believe it, donned a Sonic the Hedgehog costume at his school’s Halloween party. Sadly, for the second Halloween in a row, he was sick and missed out on trick-or-treating. Luckily, there was still time to have fun over the holidays to come.

Family. Lights. Chocolate.

In November, after a couple of years since having seen most of them in person, we finally visited my husband’s family in Arizona over Thanksgiving. We had the most delicious, fulfilling meal, enjoyed a bonfire complete with s’mores, looked through family photos, played games, and generally just enjoyed one another’s company for days.

A couple of weeks later, some of them flew out to Vegas to visit us, and we ended up discovering all kinds of things we hadn’t known were in the area before, like a chocolate factory with a cactus garden and a huge setup of drive-through holiday lights around a motor speedway. We ate gelato, explored a miniature gingerbread town, and watched the water show outside the Bellagio hotel. We packed more fun into those few days than we had in the prior two years.

By the end of the month, we were lucky enough to host more visitors from my side of our family and get together for homemade meals and holiday gift exchanges. It was such a stark contrast to our reality from the previous two years, and my heart was full of gratitude for that time together.

By the time New Year’s Eve rolled around, we all fell asleep before midnight—only to be awakened by fireworks, feeling momentarily scared and confused.

 At the time, I didn’t realize how full our year had been. But looking back now and reading through all that we did and explored in 2022 (including things my husband and I each did that I haven’t even mentioned yet, such as taking online courses or learning how to fly an airplane—him, not me), it’s no wonder we were so tired.

 Uncertain. Undecided. Undetermined.

 Being a few weeks into the new year as I write this, I’m not sure what themes will emerge in my phone’s photo album for 2023, though my screenshots of job descriptions seem to be pointing to one possible theme of “work.” So, especially with that in mind, I do know one thing for sure—I’m so grateful we took advantage of that time to play, explore, and learn while we had the chance.

 As we learned the hard way in 2020, we never know what opportunities might be taken away from us without notice. So, I’m glad we applied that lesson we learned about the importance of appreciating the present moment. And if there’s one thing I hope we continue to do in 2023, it’s that.

Meryl:

2022 was quite a good year for me.

In January, I started a new position at L’Oréal Group as a Skincare Training Project Manager. I have worked for a French dermatological brand. It was only a short-term contract, but it was still a good start.

In March, I have travelled twice. First, I was invited by my fiancé’s family to winter sports in the Alps. I was too afraid to ski because it was my very first time. Instead, I have preferred to go hiking in the snow and go to the swimming pool. Few weeks later, I have organized a 5-day romantic getaway in Budapest (Hungary). I do recommend Budapest for the beauty of architecture, landscapes and its unique thermal baths.

In May, I celebrated my birthday. I had a great birthday party with most of my Parisian friends, but I was too stressed out to enjoy it well. I have felt that I wasn’t there whereas my friends were funny and enthusiastic.

In June, I have found a new position as an International Training Project Manager in a professional beauty brand dedicated to beauty salons and spas. I have met very nice colleagues and I have become very confident about my work tasks. From June until now, everything at work was quite the same. Unfortunately, I don’t get along with my current manager. She loves to manipulate her employees like puppets. I am too genuine to bare her lack of professionalism and empathy. I think that she sees me like a threat in her world of little scheme. I know that I can’t trust my manager and I hope I will find another job position in a healthier atmosphere soon.

Happily, I had a summer break with Olivier, my fiancé. I have organized holidays in Montenegro and Croatia. It was so amazing. We have experienced different landscapes with mountains, bays, lakes, natural parks and beaches and we have also visited old city walls, museums and monasteries. Besides, we have travelled again in Barcelona (Spain) to visit my sister and the city of Gaudi and Picasso. Then, we attended to two weddings. 

Concerning my love life, I have finally moved in with Olivier in a very nice, warm and comfortable flat during October. I have decorated the living room with hygge and bohemian chic inspirations. For instance, you can find comfy chairs, extra soft carpet, blankets and pillows, demijohn vases with bouquets of dried flowers and eucalyptus, candles, raw wood objects, family pictures, travel and art exhibition souvenirs, etc. Thanks to my brand new living room, I can invite friends and family over. Now, I need time and more money to take care of the bedroom decoration next. 

Finally, I have celebrated winter holidays with my family and Oliver’s. I had the opportunity to spend time with my mother, my sisters and my nieces. 

During all year, I was working out a lot at the gym through group training sessions (4 to 5 hours of strength and cardio training per week) and at home with a training app (40 mins per week). Even though I feel healthier and more energetic, I am still struggling against weight loss due to lockdown. This year, I have gained more weight despite all my efforts (about 33 pounds since lockdown). 

To conclude, 2022 was a year of growth, achievements and 2023 will start with new challenges. Now, I live with my fiancé. I hope I will have new job opportunities and I will take more time to play the piano and practise yoga.

Emilio:

And suddenly, it was the end of another year.

It was the end of 2021. I felt neither happy nor sad. I tend to have this sorrow and bad taste when it comes to the end of each year, I tend to feel like - “Welp hehe, here goes another (meh) year.”

Since 2021, I have started a big shift in every aspect of my life. I tend to see myself as someone who doesn't stay shut, someone who is in constant change, each and every day.

Those changes can be as simple as cutting my hair, letting my beard grow, but sometimes I would do extreme changes. Change bad habits, stop drinking soda, end friendships, start doing exercise, between others.

And in 2022, I made plenty of changes in my life.

Though the beginning of the year was interesting, I was having a big depression or more like a burnout feeling. I decided in 2021 to be way harder to myself, way more intense on my own work. And that resulted in me not feeling like doing the hard work for a total of 1 Month or so.
The fallout of my decisions made the beginning of my year something like me not doing anything more than playing video games, eating not that healthy, and being just in a sad situation. I was still doing exercise, as a habit. But it truly felt like I was just wasting my time most of January, because: Why should I work? I could just be playing games and be chilling, right?

Back in that time, I was working probably like 1 hour a day max, trying to come up with progress on a videogame that I was developing. But couldn’t truly focus more than that.

But somehow somewhere at the end of January, my energy started to go back on, the burnout stopped, and the motor started to go back on track. I started to make more time for work.

I had the chance to learn about a community full of creatives. Talking with them was refreshing and fun, I was somewhat scared at first, but managed to pull myself to attend, and join the call. There I met plenty of people, and it was a bit stressful but nice.

There I started to get to know plenty of people who gave me a ton of energy, and something of a purpose, to even come and try to show that I’ve been working on something, just to show it to them. Maybe it was a bit of peer pressure, but it was nice to not feel lonely making my craft.

I met a ton of special people there, from friends, to even one person that would become later on in the year, my partner. It was pretty good.

And that was something of a kickstart for the whole year.

I can say that 2022 was a year where I got out of my comfort zone, I went out from my home to have an adventure with that someone special, got out of my comfort zone to try to apply for some jobs, got out of my comfort zone to talk towards a bigger audience. Get out of my comfort zone, to start talking about how I was feeling, start to meditate, start to have a better mindset in general. So I can say it was a year full of getting out of my comfort zone, and stretching the possibilities within my own personal growth.

The year went by really fast, I cried, I laughed, I got angry, I got worried, and annoyed. But at the end it was a year full of

People,
Experiences,
Joy,
Adventures,
Drama,
Pain,
And Overall, full of Emotions.

...

And suddenly, it was the end of another year...

It was the end of 2022. I felt both happy and melancholic. I tend to have this sorrow and bad taste when it comes to the end of each year. But this year is different, I have a good reason to be excited about next year, whether that be new people, new experiences, new adventures. And I know I will succeed, and I can’t wait for this year to begin.

Since 2022, I have started a big shift in every aspect of my life. I tend to see myself as someone who doesn't stay shut, someone who is in constant change, each and every day.

And that’s why, 2023, it’s going to be full of more changes, and I can’t wait to experience them.

Enjoy getting out of your comfort zone, and you will see how beautiful life can turn.

Jonathan:

2022 was a year where I was forced to reflect upon what was and wasn’t working in my life.

A difficult and abrupt breakup that changed the course of my life made me reevaluate how I was approaching life and what my priorities were.

Here are some things I learned through 2022

- Without the ability to manage and understand our emotions, we live in an entirely reactive state of running away from uncomfortable things. We take the easy way out and in the long run we lose touch with our ability to be resilient and patient which are qualities that allow us to overcome the daily challenges that life brings.

- Everyone fears uncertainty. We do whatever we can to make sure we are in control and elude feelings of helplessness. But the nature of everything is essentially uncertain. So instead of trying to anxiously control those around me and create systems that allow me to feel secure, instead I’ve learned to be flexible and resilient. I guess I’ve learned to accept that life happens in the way it does and it very much is what it is. However I can take everything as an opportunity to learn and grow. I now appreciate difficulty versus wishing things weren’t so.

- Life moves on and things are only as important as we allow them to be. I’m learning to not take things so seriously or personally because I’m finding that if I let it go, I will literally forget about it and life will continue to move on. I’m no longer dwelling on the past and I’ve been able to take advantage of the opportunities that continue to open up within each moment of life and that’s been pretty great. 

- I think I’ve really learned to empathize with others and myself much more. Life isn’t easy for anyone. And real talk, no one has all the answers. We’re all trying our best given our individual circumstances. Everything is trial and error. So I’ve really learned to be gentle and much more understanding of others. 

- We think too much. In regards to getting things done, I’ve found that thinking often leads to self doubt whereas putting in the hours leads to actual results that you can reference in real time. I started a new career in film making and knowing just how much work was going to be involved before becoming pro terrified me. Fortunately that didn’t stop me from putting in the hours. It turns out 4 months of 10-15 hour days of developing a craft really yields results. I got a full-time editing position along with countless freelancing videographer gigs after only four months of training. Now roughly one year since I edited my first video, I am now a videographer/editor for a global nonprofit and they pay me well to travel and make videos for them. It’s kind of unbelievable to see how far the work has gotten me but that’s just how things work. Find a strategy that is proven to work, put in the time and reap the results. That’s pretty much it. 

- This year I really saw that there’s no way we can compare ourselves to others. We all come from different circumstances, cultures, socioeconomic backgrounds, etc. Accordingly, how can we compare ourselves and define our self worth based on the things we are or are not able to accomplish in this life. I’ve learned to appreciate myself just as I am. And I guess in the process this helped me stop trying to fit in and stop judging myself and others. I think this helped me resolve a lot of shame I felt about not doing the things I saw others were doing but just didn't feel right for me. 

- However if there’s anything I’ve learned this year, it’s the impact honesty and transparency can have on one's life. If you can’t be honest about where you’re at and what you’re struggling with, you’ll never be able to make progress and move forward. I spend at least an hour a day if not two slowing down and reflecting on my daily progress towards the values I wish to uphold within this life I am living. I think this practice has been a mainstay of how I’ve developed more productive habits that I am able to appreciate within my life today. For those curious, the values are resilience, patience, generosity, understanding, honesty and kindness. 

Anon:

2022. What a year it’s been. This year has been probably the single most painful and difficult year of my life to date. The theme of this year was friendship, pain, and being highly stressed in my fearful avoidant attachment style, which is the attachment style that affects about 5% of the population.

This was the first year in ages in which I allowed myself to get close to people again, after a highly traumatic falling out in 2019 with Lucy, who was my best friend for years. In fact, the past two years leading up to the fallout was equally as painful. It was a slow death to the friendship. It was one mired with feeling of feelings of unsafety and insecurity. I learned that your attachment style is not only influenced by your childhood and upbringing. But your attachment style is malleable and can change even in adulthood.

Since 2019, my walls went up. I couldn’t bear the idea of allowing myself to get close to people again. I subconsciously associated closeness with pain. But at the start of 2022, I came upon this quote by C.S. Lewis, which inspired me to love once again.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

2022 was the first time in a very long time in which I allowed myself to be vulnerable. I made a lot of new friends this year, and I grew closer to people. I used to have only distant friendships. I preferred to keep people at an arm’s length. Because if they got closer to me, that would be a threat. My nervous system was wired to perceive closeness as a threat. If the same thing happened to me again with someone else as my experience with Lucy, I don’t know how I’d possibly be able to handle it. That slow death and eventual falling out of the friendship was excruciating. People often say that relationship break-ups are difficult, but in my experience, friendship break-ups so much worse. I didn’t know how I could bring myself to trust anyone again. I was constantly hypervigilant about fears of abandonment, and that stopped me from forming deeper connections in friendships.

But in 2022, something changed. I figured that pain from the lack of intimacy would be much more painful than the pain of intimacy – at least in the long-run. I was intentional with prioritising my relationships because they were so important to me. It meant so much to me. I crave intimacy and closeness. It’s something that I very dearly want. But the same thing I crave is the exact thing that scares the shit out of me. It’s terrifying. I was dealing with a lot of insecurities with my friendships and work. Having unmet needs was horribly painful. I felt so triggered in my core wounds. A recurrent theme this year was feeling disconnected and unseen. It felt like people weren’t able to give me the attention, gentle love and care that I wanted. I felt invisible so much of the time. With one friend, I felt like she was hardly ever present in conversation. I felt unseen with another friend’s lack of empathy, and it felt like I was talking to someone with no emotional depth. I felt highly disconnected to him a lot of the time. With another friend, his lack of responsiveness was difficult at times. It felt a bit one-sided with the friendship at the time, and that made me feel unloved and disconnected. Another friend’s lack of consistency, availability, reliability, responsiveness, and predictability (CARRP) was highly triggering at times, and it made me feel like she didn’t care about me. I felt disconnected, unseen, and unloved by her. Toward the end of the year, I felt like another friend didn’t really value our friendship much, and I was tired of our friendship seeming to be one-sided where I was consistently the one making plans. I was feeling unseen and disconnected with her. With another very close friend I met this year, it’s been ups and downs throughout the year. When we were closer in November and December, it was actually very satisfying, and for the most part, I felt seen and connected. It felt like she loved and cared about me. But earlier in the year, low responsiveness at times was triggering, and it made me feel disconnected.

This year, I felt unloved a lot of the time. There was a feeling at times of a lack of belonging. There were feelings like I was rejected with people’s lack of CARRP and sense of care. I consistently felt like I cared more about people than they did of me. This really hurt me. I felt so alone a lot of the time this year. I felt unsafe. I felt unloved.

To summarise, my core wounds of my fearful avoidant attachment style are:

·      I am unseen/unheard

·      I am disconnected

·      I am rejected

·      I am abandoned/alone

·      I am excluded

·      I am unloved

·      I am unsafe

·      I am misunderstood

Being consistently triggered throughout the year was excruciating. There were so many painful weeks and months. My triggers made me feel unsafe with work at times too. This year, I was hypervigilant, and my RAS was oversensitive to anything that would trigger me.

If there’s anything I’ve learned about this year, it’s that I need to feel safe and secure to feel happy in my life. Most likely this needs to be the case. Or else, I’m best not having certain friends that constantly trigger me. Or at least, I shouldn’t be so close with these friends. I’ve learned that in friendships, I thrive when my needs are met and I’m reassured that my core wounds are not true. My ideal friendship would be with someone who allows me to feel seen. They would be CARRP. They would pay attention to me and be warm and loving. They would trust me and share parts of their life with me. They’d message me and invite me to do things. They’d regularly check up on me and ask me how I am. They’d show me how much I mean to them. They’d show me how much they’d love me. They’d compliment me and offer gratitude and appreciation. They’d love me unconditionally and wouldn’t judge me. They’d be good listeners. They’d offer the space to ask me about me. They’d realise that I tend to over give in relationships and give back to allow me to feel equally seen in return. There’d be healthy give and take. They’d be there by my side to support me. They’d be honest, authentic, open, and transparent. They would care about me and my wellbeing. They’d take our friendship seriously and put in as much effort as I do. We’d spent a lot of time together. They’d validate my feelings and be there to support me when I’m down. They’d respond to me in a timely manner so I’m not left panicking. They’d be consistent and predictable, so I’m not left worrying and feeling like something’s changed. They would reassure me that they love me and won’t abandon me. They’d see me at the darkest moments of my life and be there to hold my hand. They’d be there to comfort me physically and hug me if I need it. They’d touch my hand, arm, and hold me. They would be an extremely consistent friend who’s available for me. They’d be someone I can count on. I’d be able to rely on them. They’d stick to their word. Generally, they’d be happy and emotionally stable, so I’d be able to feel secure around them. They’d be curious about me and want to learn about me. They’d ask me poignant questions about me and really want to know me. They’d want to understand the details and depth of my emotions, worldview, and past experiences. They’d want to understand me. They’d enjoy talking about the topics and flesh them out in detail. They’d be authentic. They’d want to make me feel as secure as possible. They’d be an expert on my attachment trauma and core wounds. They’d be an expert on my needs. They’d partly take on my happiness as part of their responsibility, as we’d rely on each other and be emotionally intimate. They would be a kind, loving, and caring friend. They’d be there for me like I’d be there for them. Of course, I’m describing an ideal close friend. But I don’t think that’s realistic or practical for most friends to be like that. The reality is that most friendships will not have that same level of closeness and intimacy. They may be more like maintenance friendships where you have a certain level of depth and connection and just maintain it over time. I realised this year that in one-to-one friendships, I have certain requirement and needs that are much greater than that of group friendships. Generally, I’m much less triggered in the context of group friendships compared to one-to-one friendships. I generally feel okay with group friendships being more laid back, and I wouldn’t expect as much commitment.

This year, I made a lot of friends that couldn’t possibly meet my needs. I was especially triggered with Jess and Jason at times this year. But I don’t think I’m compatible with them as friends. We’re just too different. I was also highly triggered around Edward this year. At the time of writing this, I am invested in our friendship, and we are close. But we don’t have the same level of great closeness and intimacy as I have with Jennifer or had with Lucy. And maybe that’s okay. I generally feel okay with our friendship. We can be close but we don’t need to be super close. I have a lot of needs with Edward, and I feel like he understands me better now. It knows not to interrupt me and allow me to finish speaking. It knows my trigger of taking too long to respond. He knows my trigger of feeling unloved. He knows that I’ve felt triggered in feeling like I was doing all the inviting and the friendship felt one-sided. And we’ve worked on resolving the issues. And now, at the time of writing, I feel generally a lot more secure and less triggered. I’ve learned now that Vanessa isn’t able to meet my needs for closeness and reliability in friendship. I know this was technically in early January of 2023 in which I had this realisation, but I’ll include it here anyway. She’s too avoidant and values her space and independence too much. This is so much so that it would be incompatible and too triggering for me. But otherwise, she’s great in person, and I’m dearly fond of her. But at least for now, we’re not compatible as friends beyond the context of our friendship group. I was somewhat too idealistic about my friendship with one other friendship group that formed this year, and I invested too hard and had too great of an expectation. But currently, as it stands, our friendship is just a relatively casual one. People seem to be busy and don’t have much time for each other. I’ve learned that in the context of a one-to-one friendship, I’m not really all that compatible with Tom, who’s too unreliable. With Tess, I feel like she’ll just be a casual friend from now on, since I feel like the friendship is too one-sided

From these experiences this year, I feel like I’ve come across some valuable insights. I could be wrong, but for the most part, I think I’m right on the money. I don’t need to have a lot of friends. I don’t feel like I need a lot of social circles. I certainly don’t need any more friends I see on a one-to-one basis who aren’t compatible with my needs. I’ve already got several friends who highly trigger me from time to time. But at least Edward and Jennifer are willing to compromise and care enough about me to meet my needs. I certainly don’t need any more friends like Jess who don’t give me the attention and don’t seem to care. I do not need any more people like that in my life. There are just some friends who are too different and not compatible with my needs. I believe Jason and Jess are both those people. There needs to be a sense of mutual trust, effort, and caring. I feel like that’s missing. It would be nice to have another group of likeminded friends like with Vanessa and Jennifer, and this would be ideal. It would be ideal to have more close friendships. I really do believe that I need quality over quantity. I have enough friends who trigger me already. I don’t need any more of that. What I need are high quality and good friends. I do hope that I stay friends with Jennifer for the rest of my life. For the most part, I do feel highly connected with her. When things are good, I feel really highly connected and intimate with her. In November, I was generally feeling highly satisfied in our friendship, and it made me feel more secure in my other friendships. I believe that healing within friendships is one way to heal my attachment trauma.

From my experiences this year, I know what I want and need. I need closeness, safety, and intimacy. I’d like more of that in my life. And I feel like I have the mental capacity in my life for two more close one-to-one friends. In the second half of 2022, I found myself highly triggered and deactivated at times. I felt like I didn’t have the mental and emotional energy to seek out new friends. What I do think now, is that I should rethink the friendships in my life. If they can’t meet my needs, then they should either be cut out of my life or at least be demoted in the friendship status. And they’d have less of a role in my life. I do believe that for 2023, I should be more social. I should be actively meeting new people and making new friends. Because I have very specific needs in friendships, this means that I’m probably not going to be compatible with most new people I meet. And that’s okay too. I don’t need to have too many expectations. It’s sometimes even nice to just meet new people for the sake of that, even if it doesn’t grow into anything else. But a key goal should be going to meet up groups and using opportunities at hand to make new friends. Some of them may turn out to be good. Some may not. I do feel like I need to temper my expectations and not invest and attach too quickly. I was highly idealistic in 2022, and I attached too quickly and had unrealistic expectations of friendships. The reality is that not all friendships will be close and have that magical spark. That’s normal. I should generally be more social and open myself to meeting new people. If I have the capacity, I can keep in touch with casual friends. But I can always be on the lookout for candidates for close friends. Those people are hard to come by. But I do feel, by having more safe and secure people in my life who are reliable, I feel I’ll be able to be more secure and less triggered. When I was feeling close to Jennifer in November, that made me feel a lot more secure and regulated in my emotions. I should continue to meet new people and be social. And in the right circumstances, I can meet new people.

The overwhelming theme of this year was relationships and attachment trauma. It was the number one thing that was on my mind. The highest highs and the lowest lows all related to friendships. My intention for 2023 is to heal my attachment style trauma. My intention is to meet new people and build up an inner circle of trust. I want the closest people to me be people who are CARRP and deeply care about me. This year, I’ve learned to love again, and that’s been really painful. I’m looking forward to loving more. My intention is to make new close and intimate friends that are highly satisfying. I want to continue to nurture my existing relationships by being a good friend.

This year, I’m so proud of myself for learning about my attachment style and having the courage to heal. I was courageous in being vulnerable. I made many new friends whom I dearly love. I learned to advocate and express my emotional needs. I learned to be truly vulnerable with friends. I learned about what I need in friendships. I explored new restaurants. I felt like I understood myself better. I improved my knowledge and skills in my profession. I took initiative in meeting new friends. I started inviting people to do things with me. I learned about what I need in friendships and relationships. I grew closer to Jennifer in particular and allowed myself to love again.