Chapter Nineteen: Written by Lily Lee

Name: Lily Lee
Age: 26
Ethnicity: Chinese-American
Occupation: Project Manager
Location: NJ

2020 has been an eventful year. For the majority of it, it was the year of my grandpa. My grandpa took a fall and ended up in the hospital right before the pandemic and ended up in long-term care. With the coronavirus regulations, it meant I couldn’t see him for the entire year. When my grandpa used to see me, his face would light up with a bright crescent eyed smile and sing a song of my name that he made up when I was a little girl. He loved to sing and perform. If you asked anyone who was lucky enough to experience his presence, they’d remember his charming personality and musical performances. His nurses and caretakers loved him. He sang old love songs all the time in English and Russian—he learned bits and pieces of different languages in his youth and loved entertain us with his talents. In his last few months, he lost his appetite and became so thin, despite all efforts to encourage him to eat. I watched my mom, aunt, and uncle tirelessly provide for my grandpa. They fought hard for permission to be granted so that they could visit more frequently and care for him. Every week they had to take a coronavirus test. They would rotate between siblings to feed him hours on end and make delicious and nutritious blended food that he could swallow. Bribery of ice cream was often involved to make sure he consumed enough nutrients. They would clean him up and dress him in warm clothes. The rest of us would watch during family video hangouts. It felt very sudden that his delusion and his old age and pneumonia took over. Most of my family saw him for the last time on a quick video call after my mom and uncle rushed to the emergency room having received the news that it might be his last moments. None of us were ready to face the fact that in just minutes of seeing him, it would be the last breath we’d see him take. I always saw my grandpa as a cute, optimistic, smiling man. We couldn’t bear the thought of letting him go even at the long life of 94 on December 3rd. All new to the bereavement process, my family and I planned a special ceremony that would resemble the elegance, romance, and charm of my grandpa. Even through all the tears, my grandma couldn’t help but admire how beautiful all the flowers were and how we celebrated his lovely life. After a while, I started this project and it helped me get through the difficult season. It became something exciting for my mom and I to ideate on. I visited my grandma and she talked about how lonely this year was. A lot of her normal activities became limited. She couldn’t see my grandpa who was stuck in long-term care for the year but she enjoyed video chats with the family. What really touched her was that her friends, family and community took good care of her during this time. Due to my 2020 project, I’ve been connecting with people again and it feels great to take a pause and reflect on life and create something meaningful. But the best gift in 2020 is that my brother got married on December 28th. My mom and I set up a DIY wedding inside our home. It was a really good day filled with so much love.