Chapter Sixteen: Written by Pooja Kolluri
Name: Pooja Kolluri
Age: 28
Ethnicity: Indian American
Occupation: Advertising Creative
Location: Greenpoint, Brooklyn
About Me: A long time ago, I made a promise to myself to treat everyone that came my way with the same kindness and love as I would a best friend, and it's a lifelong-experiment I will never regret. While I'm certainly an introvert, I actually love people--listening to them, understanding them, and helping them in anyway I can. At the end of the day, I'm a writer. Find me @poakoui on Instagram and @ohmydeardreamer on Twitter.
REFLECTING ON 2020
The fear and anxiety associated with 2020 would only hit me months later, at the brink of the second wave. Instead, in March, I had been deep in planning a huge, 60-person birthday bash for myself, just because. On March 14th, 2020, I realized it wasn't going to happen. A week later, as the city went into lockdown, I had one of the first Zoom birthday parties. Even then, I was so sure that it would only be a few weeks of this strange new world.
Of course, weeks have turned into months. Weeks now feel like months. I remember the last two weeks of March in the emotions I felt, not time as we define it. It was been like being born: painful, confusing, sudden, and none of us had a choice but to go through with it. Perhaps it's why not too many of us can remember that moment of being born. If we did, would we live differently?
Living is different now than it was this time last year, but I haven't allowed much time for missing life before the pandemic. Every now and again, I'll see an old photo or video of a dinner party or a dance party or house party, and wonder how we did it without the innate fear we have today. I wonder if it will ever go away, if I'll ever watch a movie again without flinching at the fact that nobody has masks on, or if I'll ever ride the subway again. I wonder if we'll ever learn to live with hope while living with fear.
But, perhaps the opposite has happened. Perhaps I'm not afraid to live anymore. I found love this year, after all. After 6 year hiatus from using my heart, I decided it was time to let myself fall. And fall I did--hard, and fast, and no matter how long it lasts, I am happy to be happy. I'm not afraid to let myself be happy, to do things that make me happy. There's no point in doing anything else, and that much has finally become clear to me. That's what love can do.
It's an incredible privilege for me to be able to say this, but I think the world needed this. We needed to reevaluate itself and the way we operate. We needed to redefine normal, and the only way to get there was to blow everything up in flames. And while the flames continue to blaze on, I find myself at the end of 2020, basking in their warmth, ready to keep burning next year and for years to come.